It's Not Christmas Yet

I promise. Want proof? isitchristmas.com will tell you.

We still have another holiday to go before Christmas can come. Remember Thanksgiving? That holiday where we eat a lot?

(We do that every day...)

Ok, that holiday where we eat a lot with people that annoy us.

(Oh, he's anti-family...)

Really now. Let Christmas stay in December. Do we start getting ready for Halloween before Labor Day? Or do we see little green dudes all over the store when we go in to buy a card with a big red heart on it? Not so much. (If you do see this in whatever store you go to, please feel free to burn it down.)

So why exactly is it that Christmas is let loose so far before its time? I can't come up with a good answer. Sure, I've got my cynical, idealist rant about how commercialism is ruining Christmas, but that just makes me sound like a pompous douche. And we don't need anymore of those. There are Douche-a-Plenty in these parts. (That's right theBodilys, I used it in a sentence!)

And who in Frick's Crap decided that the day after Thanksgiving had to be the day EVERONE AND THEIR HAIRDRESSER starts shopping? Relax, you freaks! It's because of you all that I don't dare venture outside my house that day. Heck, sometimes I feel like I need to hunker down with a shotgun just to keep the most confused consumerist zombies off of my porch...

Whatever the cause, it is now irreversible. So I will give up my stand to keep Christmas in December and allow it to start on "Black Friday". But until then, NO decorations, NO displays in stores, and for the love of all that is in any way, shape, or form holy, NO CHRISTMAS SONGS ON THE EPHING RADIO!

Jerks.

That is all.