Thus sayeth the Me...

A New MOS, Missing Wifey, and I'm BAAAACK!

2010-03-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

Well hey there. It's been a while, hasn't it? Yes, I missed you too. So here's the story.

I'm not a cook anymore! I'm now an AFATDS (Automated Field Artillery Tactical Data System) Specialist. Basically, I tell the gun bunnies which direction/elevation to shoot.

I've missed Wifey a LOT over the last month. We're both really glad I'm home. She almost couldn't convince herself to get out of bed and leave me for work this morning!

Unfortunately, I'll most likely be leaving again fairly soon. I'm thinking I'm going to go to South Dakota for a few weeks in July. There's an Officer Candidate School that's asking for volunteers for instructors, OPFOR (playing "bad guy" for training), and other logistical type stuffs. Wifey and I decided we could use the extra cash right before our Hawaii trip in August. So we're going to sacrifice a little time together so that other time can be a little more fun and worry free.

As far as a deployment goes, I really wish we would get a mobilization order or they would just let us know that we aren't going. We were supposed to get one by March 15. That was the magic, six-months-out date. So they pushed the deployment date back two weeks in order to wait for a mob order. Well, that deadline is tomorrow. And still no order yet.

Anyway, enough complaining about that. I'M HOME! Let's play, k?

Something to which I can look forward...

2010-02-14T02:11:00.000-08:00

On Feb 24, good things will happen.

I'm going with a friend to see Alkaline Trio.

This pleases me.

For one thing, I've never seen these guys before. And they're playing with Cursive, who I've been meaning to get into for some time.

But also, I'm excited to spend some time with Raisor. We've known each other for almost 4 years now but have just recently started hanging out a little more. The more we hang out, the more we find in common (not that it was hard to find in the first place or anything).

Anyway, to celebrate, I'm putting up one of my favorite Alkaline Trio songs. It's one that makes me glad I've never been through a rough break-up and glad to know I'll never have to.

Also, I'm not editing this one at all.

---
Radio

Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades
Waking up next to nothing
After dreaming of you and me
I'm waking up all alone
Waking up so relieved
While you're taking your time with apologies
I'm making my plans for revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong
I'd drive straight off the edge
I'd drive straight off the edge

Taking your own life with boredom
I'm taking my own life with wine
It helps me to rule out the sorrow
It helps me to empty my mind
Making the most of a bad time
I'm smoking the brains from my head
Leaving the coal calling the kettle black
And orange and red
This kettle is seeing red

I've got a big fat fucking bone to pick
With you my darling
In case you haven't heard
I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you
Would take my radio to bathe with you
Plugged in and ready to fall

Shaking like a dog shitting razor blades
Waking up next to nothing
After dreaming of you and me
Waking up all alone
Waking up so relieved
While you're taking your time with apologies
I'm plotting out my revenge
Red eyes on orange horizons
If Columbus was wrong
I'd drive straight off the edge
I'm seeing red

I've got a big fat fucking bone to pick
With you my darling
In case you haven't heard
I'm sick and tired of trying
I wish you
Would take my radio to bathe with you
Plugged in and ready to fall...

---

Sweeeeet...

That is all.

Eureka!

2010-02-07T04:01:00.000-08:00

Guess what? So, you know how this isn't quite the greatest read ever? I mean, it's not bad by any means, but it could definitely use some work right? Well, I've figured out just what I need to do in order to make this the best thing you can read every day.

Ready?

I need an interesting life!

That's all. Once my life is totally rad*, this thing'll write itself.

Here's what I mean.

I read/read (respectively pronounced "reed" and "red" 'cause one's past tense, of course) a few different bloggies and I've noticed a distinct difference between the ones that get 76 brazillion comments per post and mine which might get read every couple of days. The people writing them have stories happening to them much more constantly than me.

One author had a tag devoted to things that happen to him on the subway. And one for the gym. Etc. I don't go to the gym. I don't go places. And when I do (like campus, for instance), I'm usually wrapped up in whatever musics are swirling around my head. I don't notice the strange, interesting things happening all around me every day. And I don't ride the subway. Partly because it's scary and smelly, but mostly because I live in Cowtownville, Utah. And even if we did have any use for a subway, I only really go to work and it's a 3-5 minute commute, depending on the lights I hit. And again, I'm usually paying attention to my iPod**.

Another author talks about her exploits and adventures. Traveling around the country, moving on a whim, and other things I'm not allowed to do because I have a job, and a wife*** and responsibilites. I can't get up and leave just because I think it's a swell idea. I have to plan these things. Get time off work. Make sure it doesn't interfere with a drill weekend. Clear it with Wifey.

In addition to these things, I have some other things I can do to enhance the interesting factor in my life. Start drinking again. Develop one or more mental illnesses. Sleep around. Ignore trespassing signs. Start crap with complete strangers over something I would normally ignore. Vandalize restaurants. Disregard my personal safety and the safety of others.

...frick...I had a point I was going to get at, but my brain just died. If I come up with it later, cool. If not, well, hypothesize or something...

That is all.

*: There's really nothing wrong with my life. I promise. It's comfortable, simple, and easy to manage.

**: Don't worry, I pay attention to the road while I jam out.

***: I absolutely, whole-heartedly, and ridiculously LOVE my wife. I want that to be perfectly clear. She lets me get away with crap for which I imagine most guys would get smacked. Or at the very least, eyes rolled at them.

Stump'd...

2010-01-12T23:11:00.001-08:00

I've got an iTunes gift card. And I don't know what to get with it. I've tried taking suggestions,

but here's my problem. I like certain bands. Not necessarily certain genres. So when I say I like this band, and someone says I would like that band because if it, I often don't.

My top 5 (in no particular order):

Get Set Go

Reggie & The Full Effect

Oingo Boingo

The Dresden Dolls

Ben Folds (& Ben Folds five)

See, with the exception of The Dresden Dolls and Ben Folds both being piano rock, none of those have anything to do with the other. Shoot, I don't even know what genre I'd assign to Get Set Go...

A band can't just be Rock, or Punk, or Electronic or whatever for me to like them. They have to grab my ears and swing me around the room a little. I haven't figured out just what it is about these five bands in particular that did this for me.

I just want some rad new music. Is that too much to ask?

That is all.

Something about memories and the future or something...

2009-12-31T23:27:00.000-08:00

It's just after 12:30 on January 1, 2010. I'm at work with a headache and three caffeine pills in front of me. But that's not what this is about. This is not for ranting about being tired at work. Because that's not news. C'mon...it's me we're talking about here. No, this is about, as the title suggests, memories and the future or something.

I'll start with something I did last year. I did a review of each month in one phrase. So I'm doing that for 2009 now.

January - School

February - School

March - School, thought about counseling

April - School

May - BAHAMAS!!!

June - Work

July - Work, started Annual Training

August - Annual Training

September - School

October (here's the interesting stuff) - Started counseling, wanted to go apshizz on a guy who totally deserved it but wasn't able to, Swine Flu

November - One Year Anniversary!!!

December - Finished the semester, BEST CHRISTMAS I CAN REMEMBER

---

Yeah...2008 was a LOT more eventful in general. But 2009 was pretty dang good. I did a bunch of school. I worked a lot more than I wanted to. Wifey and I had some hard times, but ended up closer after each of them.

2010 is looking interesting. I'm going to MOS-Q school at the end of February, through almost all of March. May will the the first of 2 Annual Trainings this year. I don't have any drill in June, so Wifey and I are taking a vacation before I have to leave. August is the second, and longer, AT. After that, we're slotted to be deployed, "...but it's not for sure..." Yeah, we keep getting jerked around on that. But come what may, I'll be ready.

May your New Year be just as awesome for you as the last. Unless it wasn't awesome. Then I hope it stomps the crap outta last year.

That is all.

Merry Christmas to All...

2009-12-24T21:05:00.001-08:00

I'm here at work, having just watched Nightmare Before Christmas (Yes, it IS a Christmas movie - it says so right in the title) and am feeling all Christmasy.

So I'm listening to Nightmare Revisited. Specifically, Town Meeting Song by The Polyphonic Spree. Freaking rad. Here.

I'm a lot more exctied for Christmas this year than I usually am. It's not that I'm not ever un-excited. But this year I've been tearing my hair out waiting for it. I want it now.

Sure, I want my presents. And sure, I want to see how excited some people are when they see what I got them. But aside from that, I'm just really feeling it this year. I started (willingly) listening to Christmas music long before Thanksgiving and didn't want to hurt any small creatures. Wifey and I sang together in the car on the way to her parents' a couple weeks ago. And it was GREAT!

I don't know what's changed. I'm thinking it might be that there's a good chance of me being away next year. Yes, I've been away once before, but this time around, it's going to be different. I have Wifey to miss. She wasn't around last time. Shoot, she was still in HIGH SCHOOL last time. Haha.

I'm looking forward to spending some good quality ('cause it definitely won't be quantity) time with my family tomorrow. I'm getting off work at midnight and Wifey has to be back for work 24 hours later.

I wish everyone the Merriest of Christmases. And Happiest of Hannukahs (yes, even though it's over, I hope it was lovely). And Kwaziest of Kwanaas.

That is all.

PS: If I offended you with that last line, here's what I want you to do. Close your browser window and don't read this again. The end. It's that easy.

PPS: Yeah...I knew I couldn't keep my cynicism out of this for long :P

Let the Baby Seal Punting Commence!

2009-12-20T13:54:00.000-08:00

Let me take you way, way back. Back to a more innocent time. A time when people could sleep worry-free, without fear of violation.

May 2008.

See, at this time, the lock on my car's driver door wasn't all effed up. In June it started being all wonky and making me jack with it for about five minutes before actually unlocking.

What did I do about this? Well, I asked my friend to take a look at it to see just what I needed to get it fixed. After a couple hours of dissecting my door, messing with electronics and testing this and that and the other he came to his conclusion: It was necessary to aquire a new door.

So what did I do about this? Since I live in Logan, freaking, Utah I just stopped locking my door.

And Friday night it caught up with me.

I walked out of work to start my car. Whenever I start my car I reach over and turn on my little iPod radio transmitty thingy. Upon doing this I noticed a key element was missing. The iPod. I checked my pockets, thinking I must have taken it in with me. No dice. I looked around my car confusedly. The center console was open and my GPS was no longer snugly nestled therein.

It was at this point that I swore LOUDLY to myself. Several times. Then I started bawling. Hard. Tears freezing against my little cheeks, I ran back inside. There, my much clearer thinking supervisor suggested I call and report it. I did this and after a few minutes I was talking with a cop outside in the parking lot. As I was giving him all the information a call came across his radio reporting another burglary from a car about three blocks away.

Honestly, I don't have high hopes. I'm not too concerned about the GPS. But my iPod was my life support. After one day of listening to the radio while driving I'm already wanting to stab a puppy. And shot-put a kitten. And pile-drive a lemur. And, of course, PUNCH A BABY LAMB IN THE FACE!!!

I guess I'll just play this for now.

That is all.

As I was...

2009-12-18T22:33:00.000-08:00

So, all (3) of you can ignore that last post. Turns out I am going to school after all. Yes, I'm still going to miss a month for army training, but I'm only going to do two classes that will work well with me.

I'm taking German 2020. Dr. Tweraser has been really great with my army schedule and when I had to miss two weeks due to illness this semester, he just dropped that whole chapter from my final grade. I love taking classes from this guy.

My other class is from a professor from whom I've never taken a class (yeah, that sounded nerdy and pretentious, but there's a good reason why...keep reading). It's Linguistics 4100 from Lackstrom. I've heard good things. I also emailed him to ask what the curriculum was like and how homework was handled. He sent me back a syllabus from this past semester. The course is graded entirely by exams and all the homework is extra credit. Score!

The downside to this of course, is that I only get about half as much for REAP (Reserve Education Assistance Program). This semester I've been sitting pretty at just over a grand a month from my dear old uncle just for going to school. Oh, well. Wifey's employed and I'll get a nice chunk o' change for my month of army stuff.

In other news, well, I'll probably blog other news later. I like to keep posts topical.

...ok, we all know that's a blatant lie, but I'm tired and about to go home for the night.

That is all.

...and the choice has been made

2009-11-30T12:25:00.001-08:00

Remember that time I was wondering what to do as far as work and school next semester? If not, scroll down one post. I'll wait.

Anyway, the decision has been made. It turns out my security clearance has gone through and I'm all signed up to go to FDC school Feb 26-Mar 28. So I'm not going to school. And I'm going to work.

So that's that. It's not quite what I wanted, but it'll be nice to not have to have cook obligations hanging over my head anymore.

Also, that picture has nothing to do with anything. I just needed one for this post to be complete. I liked it. So it won.

That is all.

I fail at this...

2009-11-27T21:48:00.000-08:00

So, I'm sitting here the other day, thinking why the crap doesn't anyone on here write anything for me to read? And I realize durr...you don't write anything either, knob. So I'm writing. Or typing. Or shut your face and just read.

Right now I'm trying to make a decision. I have three options. They are as follows:

1) Keep doin' what I'm doin' and work while I'm going to school next semester...

2) Quit work (or at least go part-time) so I can focus on school without that extra stress...

3) Work all next semester and not worry about school until I get back from my possible deployment...

They all have they're ups and downs...

1 would be the best option financially, but would stress me the freak out and I don't know if I can mentally handle that anymore.

2 is the one I want to do the most because I really want to go to school and I'll still make money going, but I don't know if it will be enough without my job on top of it.

3 would let me just work (and maybe get a part-time job somewhere else, too) so I can just live in stasis and get ready for the deployment.

Ok, so in actuality, I really don't want 3 to happen. But at the same time, I do. But really, I want 2 to happen. Becuase I want to not work anyway. If we can swing it so that it'll work out financially, that's what I want to do.

ON TO OTHER THINGS

How was Thanksgiving? Mine was pretty dang good. I got to see my family (minus one step-brother) and give my little sister hugs and make her feel better 'cause she misses her husband (doof went and joined the Marines...), while at the same time worrying that I might snap her in two. She's tiny.

Having a break from school is nice too. Sure, I had one last month (mental issues followed by swine-flu [yes, I know I said it was fake and stupid and I still believe the media hype is...getting sick sucks, but it was no worse than any other flu I've gotten, so nyah!] contributed to that one) but this one is actually sanctioned by the school.

The only crappy thing is how short the holiday itself was. I had it off work, but still came in today without feeling like I missed a day at all. Lame.

So, let me hear some thoughts on my choices. I like to get other peoples' opinions, even if I don't take them into account :)

That is all.

I will find you... I will submit you...

2009-10-12T00:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Terrible Parkers of Logan, Utah:

I have a new hobby. And that is taking pictures of crappy parking jobs and submitting them here. I've only submitted 2 so far, but I'm now on the lookout, keeping a keen eye for those of you who choose to say, You know what? I'm so awesome that I feel like parking like an asshat today.

You are not awesome. But you provide me with hobby-fodder. And for that, I thank you. As for that ding in your door, don't park so farking close, knob gobbler.

That is all.

PS: If you want to see mine, just look for the ones from Logan, UT. So far they're Sep 10 and Oct 3. I'll keep updating with new ones!

Let's play catch-up, shall we?

2009-09-16T01:57:00.000-07:00

So, it just occurred to me that I haven't done a What's-Going-On-In-My-Life blog since maybe...April or so. When we got Charlotte. I'm here to rectify this problem.

(I just read a blog that used this same storytelling format and I liked it...so here goes.)

Apply at Chrysalis. Get interview. Don't get called back. Find Dog. Get a different Dog. Finish semester. Watch Wifey graduate, wonder if you ever will. Go on honeymoon. Be somewhat disappointed, but have a generally good time. Return to work. Hope Wifey finds a job soon. Work. Tolerate it. Work. Dislike it. Work. Begin to actively resent it. Go play army for three weeks. Miss Wifey TERRIBLY because this is the longest the two of you have been apart since you MET. Hear more deployment rumors. Come home. Enjoy time with Wifey. Start school again. Be excited for it. Get behind on homework all too soon. Get alerted for deployment. WIFEY FINDS A JOB! Consider quitting your job and find some menial, easy, part time job. Wifey leaves job a week later. Scrap part time plans. Continue to dislike job. Sink farther behind in homework. Come across opportunity to switch to Utah National Guard as a linguist...

So that's my Late Spring/Summer/Early Fall for this year. Short, yes. But with everything you really need to know.

But here's the stuff worth pointing out. I'm continually slipping behind in school. I know I'm smart enough, but I just don't have the time. Well, technically I do. But when work is factored in I just don't have the time to balance between homework and Wifey. She gets enough time stolen from her because of all the extra shifts I've been picking up at work; most of them graves... So homework gets sacrificed.

Meanwhile, I'm not enjoying my job. It's not the environment. It's not the coworkers. Heck, it's not even the clients, really. It's the field. I came into this job by chance, having no prior interest in Human Services. It turned out I was damn good at it though. So I stuck with it. Now I'm beginning to realize I really don't enjoy it though. I've stayed here for others. Not for myself.

On the topic of the army... Well, we got our alert message on Friday, the 4th. What does this mean? It basically means we went from being likely to deploy to being more likely to deploy. Nothing is set in stone. We may not go.

But do I believe this? No. I'm fairly certain we're going. And it sucks, but what can you do? Oh, that's right. Transfer to the Logan unit. And no, not so I can get out of a deployment. So I can be a linguist. I want to be an interpreter some day and I think this would be a good step to take in getting there. First I have to take a test to measure my proficiency at learning a new language (easy-peasy, I think), then, pending my passing the test, I have to write a letter of intent to my commander. A little scary for me, yes. But he came down to talk to us at drill this weekend and said that we're over-manned and if anyone is wanting to do interstate transfers, do 'em.

So that's my life as of now. Hope yours is less cluttered.

Monday Mix-Up #10!!!

2009-08-31T01:00:00.000-07:00

Well, I've made it 10 whole issues. Go me! I'm going to give myself a pat on the back. And at this point I wonder if I have it in me to keep this thing going every week...I guess I'll let this week's song do the talking...er, singing.

Song: Should I Stay Or Should I Go (The Clash, Combat Rock, 1981)
Covering Artist: The Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain.

After that, I think I'll stay for a while :)

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #9

2009-08-24T01:00:00.000-07:00

Hiya, kids. So sorry for the unannounced hiatus. I came back from AT and neglected to find more videos. But last week I found this one. Enjoy!

Song: While My Guitar Gently Weeps (The Beatles, The White Album, 1968)
Covering Artist(s): Tom Petty, Prince, Other people...I think the scrawny kid next to Tom is George Harrison's son...

BONUS GOODNESS!!!

Covering Artist: Lemon Demon (reworked as While My Keytar Gently Weeps)

Seriously though, check out that Prince solo again!

That is all.

A look into the future

2009-08-19T22:16:00.000-07:00

Recently, the TV People brought back a show from my childhood. Now, when I say 'from my childhood', I don't mean one that I watched religiously, often, sometimes, or even at all. But I remember it existing.

Beverly Hills 90210

This fall, the same network will be premiering another re-launch show from around the same time, and along the same topic.

Melrose Place

Which got me to thinking. These were both shows about pretty, rich, white people with problems. Sound familiar?

As a child, I mocked these shows. I thought they were dumb. I thought they were trash. And yes, I still feel the same way about the re-boots.

But I'm really excited that I'll be able to watch new episodes of The OC when I'm 35!!!

Frosting cancels out calories...

2009-08-15T21:46:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to be a little more health conscious than I have been in the past, because being healthy is important. Right now, it's as simple as counting calories. So while we were at the store today, I looked at how many calories were in one blueberry poptart, sans frosting. 210Wow, I think. That's kind of a lot. Then out of curiousity I checked the frosted variety, assuming there would be an extra 30-50. Total calories in one frosted blueberry poptart: 200.

I'll repeat that, because it bears repeating...

One unfrosted blueberry poptart: 210 calories.
One frosted blueberry poptart: 200 calories.

I double- and triple-checked to make sure my sleep deprivation wasn't playing tricks on me. I made sure they were both the same brand. Yep, Kellogg's.

SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME HOW A FROSTED VARIETY OF ANY PRODUCT CAN HAVE TEN LESS CALORIES THAN ITS UNFROSTED COUNTERPART!!!

That's effing stupid. I no longer have ANY faith in the FDA and think counting calories is stupid because they apparently just MAKE THE DAMN NUMBERS UP!

That is all.

Ladies and Gentlemen: TheChive...

2009-08-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I come across a website that fills my day with glee...

Failblog;

Playlist;

Fark;

And now, TheChive.

TheChive is a magical photoblog-ish site. There are some of the most random, funny, and otherwise amusing pictures there. As such...

and...(I do this too...)

and (my favorite ever)...

I enjoy sites like this because it gives me something to do while on grave shifts at work. I don't have to think about it. I don't have to remember it later. And that's lovely. Because I can barely remember where I live after a grave shift.

Especially a double...

That is all.

Happy as a Fanboy...

2009-08-12T20:01:00.000-07:00

This guy:reads my blog.

Who's that, you ask? That, my friends, is Mike TV. Guitarist and lead vocalist for Get Set Go. You know that band I'm always raving about; whose lead guitarist and viola player I kidnapped to play Guitar Hero with; that I stalked to Reno on a whim; that came to Logan and played in my little apartment for free...

Well, he left me some comments. I got all giddy.

I don't know how much he actually reads it. He was just giving me his email address so he could get mine. He owes me a free album.

I'm all happy and junk.

That is all.

Ach, du lieber!

2009-08-11T14:20:00.000-07:00

For those of you who don't know, I want to be an interpreter. This is a fairly recent development, although I started studying German 10 years ago. With 3 1/2 years of high school German and 2 semesters of college level German under my belt, I've decided it's time to take this whole language thing more seriously.

So today (on a whim) I took the German placement test up on campus. I scored 519. That's out of 550. So, yes. That's good. Good enough to let me buy out of taking GERM 2010 this semester with an A on my transcript. Good enough to let me buy out of GERM 2020 next semester with a B on my transcript.

I've been giving some thought to this. If I take the buy-out, I can take an extra gen-ed credit this semester. Or, another upper level German class (I'm already enrolled in GERM 4900...it's a German film class...rad) to work toward my (almost) major.

--OR--

I can stay in 2010, get the refreshment I feel I kinda need, and guarantee that goodness on my GPA. See, my GPA needs to be brought up .38 points so I can declare a major.

On a side note: I really hope I can build a linguistics major...my professor said I might be able to...that would be rad. See, I don't want to be a German interpreter. I want to be versatile. My goal is to be fluent in 5 foreign languages.

Here's hopin'...

That is all.

Not today...

2009-08-03T01:00:00.000-07:00

Sorry, kids. I didn't get a Monday Mix-Up scheduled for today. I'll try and have one done for next week. :(

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #8

2009-07-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

I'm still soaking up the sun and rolling in the dirt here in Boise, but that doesn't mean I'm going to deprive you of This Goodness!

Song: Tom Sawyer (Rush, Moving Pictures, 1981)
Covering Band: Mindless Self Indulgence

The first time I listened to this version on the album You'll Rebel to Anything I thought, Hey, I've heard these notes before. Then the middle of the song happened and I realized what it was. YAY!

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #7

2009-07-20T01:00:00.000-07:00

What's this? A Monday Mix-Up from beyond the grave?

Ok, so I'm not dead, but I am currently at Annual Training for the Army. So let's give an extra special thanks to that whole Schedule feature. And an extra EXTRA special 'Huzzah!' for me for thinking ahead and getting these scheduled so you poor folks don't have to go without them for three whole weeks. I know, it would be crushing...

On to the song! As promised, this week I'm showcasing the work of Warren Fitzgerald. He's the guitarist for this wonderful covering band and the guy lip-syncing in the video.

Song: Don't Stop Me Now (Queen, Jazz, 1978)
Covering Band: The Vandals

Rad? Yes. Spiritual? Almost. The best song ever? Probably not, but awesome nonetheless.

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #6

2009-07-13T01:00:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to Monday Mix-Up.

This week is special. Why? Because you get to watch THIS!

Song: I Am The Walrus (The Beatles, Hello, Goodbye, 1967)
Covering Band: Oingo Boingo

I don't get this song. But it's Oingo Boingo singing...so that's ok.

*BONUS GOODNESS: That punky little guy attempting the splits at 1:19 is none other than Warren Fitzgerald. Guitarist for The Vandals and producer extraordinaire! Maybe I'll have to find some of his work for next week...

That is all.

Scam'd...

2009-07-08T13:46:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a loving husband who wanted to buy his lovely wife flowers for Valentine's day.

While contemplating where to get flowers, he saw a commercial on the tele-tube for proflowers.com and a promotion they were running.

Cool, he thought. I can get a good deal on flowers for Wifey.

So he went on the inter-webs and ordered the flowers (which ended up not being the greatest, but ok) and paid for them with his magical plastic rectangle.

Six months later, he noticed a strange charge on his bank statement. $14.95 for Easy Saver...

Strange, he thought. So Wifey did a search for easy saver and found this.

They checked their bank statement back through February and - what do you know - these charges had been coming out since the loving husband purchased the mediocre flowers.

The screwed-over couple called the number from the complaint site and, after a quick rant at the guy on the other end, were promised reimbursement in 7-10 days.

Moral of the story: Don't buy flowers from proflowers.com! It'll sign you up for a scam, wherein you give them fifteen bucks a month and get zilch for it. It's apparently how they afford to sell the flowers that cheap or something.

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #5

2009-07-06T01:00:00.000-07:00

Screw intros, we've got TWO videos today...lets get to it!

Song: Umbrella (Rihanna, Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded, 2008)
Covering Band: Vanilla Sky

When I found this video (6/10), I really REALLY wanted to put it up immediately as a 'Wednesday WTF?'.

But I restrained myself. I'm quite proud.

No, I'm not a great fan of this song originally, but I think it's great covered. See also: All Time Low.

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #4

2009-06-29T01:00:00.000-07:00

Hello, again. Welcome back.

So, last week I posted a video of Korn covering Radiohead. I feel I should make it up to you by giving you this.

Song: Karma Police (Radiohead, OK Computer, 1997)
Covering Band: Finch

Does Finch make up for Korn? I think so. I hope you agree.

That is all.

Cease and Desist

2009-06-28T16:26:00.000-07:00

I don't like this expression. It ranks up there with 'Meteoric Rise'.

Let's break it down, shall we?

According to Dictionary dot com:

Cease: to stop; discontinue

And: along or together with; as well as; in addition to; besides; also; moreover

Desist: to cease, as from some action or proceeding; stop

So, let me get this straight. Essentially, if you are ordered to 'Cease and desist', you are to 'stop and stop'.

Come on, everybody. Really? This doesn't make you sound authoritative. It makes you sound like an officious prick.

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #3

2009-06-22T01:00:00.000-07:00

Well how about that? You came back for more. As a token of my appreciation, I present to you, this.

Song: Creep (Radiohead, Pablo Honey, 1993)
Covering Band: Korn

I know. Some of you may be thinking, Really Norte...Korn? But I used to like 'em a little in high school (mostly because of my step-brother), and I think they do a pretty decent job on this song.

That is all.

Holy Magical Goodness!!!

2009-06-15T19:03:00.000-07:00

I've found the Avenging Narwhal playset.

Along with this...

...and this...

and THIS...
That's right. That's a Bacon Scented Bacon Print Tuxedo.

Mcphee.com is a magical novelty store featuring Breakfast Floss, Stress Freud, and Corn Dog Air Freshener.

Go there now and get me my Avenging Narwhal!!!

That is all.

Oh, pretty pretty please?!?

2009-06-15T04:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Santa/Anybody reading this,

Please get me this. Not necessarily for Christmas. Shoot, let's make up a holiday just so you have an excuse to get me one, k?

To whoever tracks this down and delivers it to me: I will give you a pan of brownies or other baked good of your choice.

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #2

2009-06-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

Last week, I put myself up to a fairly high standard of awesome. And while I can't necessarily guarantee that standard will be upheld, I'll certainly try.

So this week,I'm doing a long-time, personal favorite.

Song: Korobeiniki (Tetris Theme)
Covering Band: Ozma

Now, the interesting thing about this one is that the Tetris song itself is a cover. Originally, it was an old Russian folk song about a farmer going to market.

Want to keep learning? Go here.

The More You Know...

That is all.

This is a test.

2009-06-09T16:15:00.000-07:00

This is only a test.

Had this been an actual blog, you'd have already been smirking at my wit.

We now return to your regularly scheduled interwebs.

That is all.

Monday Mix-Up #1

2009-06-08T00:10:00.000-07:00

To start off Monday Mix-Up, I give you a quadruple dose of awesome. Ready, GO!

Song: Where Is My Mind (Pixies, Surfer Rosa, 1988)
Covering Band: Placebo (w/Frank Black)

That is all.

(EDIT: This is my 100th post! WOO!)

Copyright infringment? Perhaps an homage.

2009-06-07T03:16:00.000-07:00

Since meeting him about 4.5 years ago, it's become apparent that thePatrick and I operate on a very similar wavelength.

We like most of the same bands.

We complain about the same crap.

And his 'jugga's sound sweet with my 'meedley's. (I promise that's not as dirty as it sounds)

Want one more? Check out his vs. my Veteran's Day blog...

Anyway, the point of this isn't to get all sappy and junk. It's to say that he has started a weekly post cleverly titled Music Video Friday, and that I was planning to as well...right before I saw that he did. Except that I hadn't had my day of the week picked yet. So he wins this round.

But am I going to not do what I had planned? Fark that. I'm still gonna do it. But with a bit of a twist. See, I'm rather giddy and otherwise schoolgirl-esque when it comes to covers. So to counter, I'm announcing the arrival of Monday Mix-up.

So there it is. I've got a good'un for Monday. (Actually, I was so excited for it I already put it up on Facebook...whoops.)

That is all.

Letters...

2009-06-03T16:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Swine Flu,

You've had your fun. Now it's time to go. You tried your best to thin our population. You really did. Unfortunately, you were hyped more than was necessary and although you ARE finished, people are still worried about you. Shame on you. Hang up your cape and cowl. Let the residual fear die.

I write this because I just got sent home from work. Because I'm sick.

Let me clarify. Because I have a sore throat and congested headache. And my boss (not so much his fault - company policy) had me call someone in on their day off. (sorry Brandon).

I'll repeat: I have a sore throat and a headache due to sinus congestion. I've gone to work (and worked my entire shift) while a stone's throw from death. And I'm not talking about talking about a stone thrown by an Olympic shot-put champion. I'm talking about one tossed carelessly by Yours Truly.

So please, Swine flu, just go away. Let us get ready for the next faux-pocalypse.

That is all.

Norte

***

Dear People Who Rant/Complain About MTV,

Shut up.

Yes, I don't like it either. But it's time to accept it.

You've denied it.

You've been angry about it. (and then complained about it)

You've thought you could change it, somehow. (by complaining about it, apparently)

You've been sad about it. (probably because no one listened to your whining)

But you haven't moved on from there. You seem to have regressed back to anger. And stayed there. For ten years.

Let them do what they want. Don't watch.

But please shut up.

That is all.

Norte

***

Dear Members of Tokio Hotel,

What in Zeus' balls are you?

That is all.

Norte

***

Dear Smart/Clever/Not-Completely-Stupid People.

Keep on keepin' on.

That is all.

Norte

***

Dear Guy-Who-Likes-Twilight

I hereby confiscate your junk. Report to your nearest butcher for the procedure. Go read some Michael Crichton or something...

Or if you really need a good vampire fix, Anne Rice will leave you smiling and satisfied.

Ladies, you may continue to enjoy these books if you ABSOLUTELY MUST. But if you search your souls, you may find that you're already ready to move on.

That is all.

Norte

***

Ok. I'm done for now. If I've offended anyone, bite me.

That is all.

Light Up Ya Lighter

2009-05-26T23:46:00.000-07:00

So, while ago I posted Letter From Iraq by The Bouncing Souls. This song I also like. The first time I heard it I thought, Really man? Reggae? But then I actually caught a bit of the lyrics and told my roommate to start it over again. I listened to it very carefully and loved it.

...I try and sing it sometimes...but I'm just a few shades past lily, so it doesn't work out so well...

(again, below the player I've included the lyrics...)

---

It never makes no sense
It never makes no sense
Fire fire fire
Light up ya lighter
Fire fire fire
Armageddon is a deadly day
Armageddon is a deadly way
They're coming for you every day
While senators on a holiday
The Army recruiters in the parking lot
Hustling the kids there juggling pot
Listen young man listen to my plan
Gonna make you money gonna make you a man
Bomb Bomb
Here's what you get
An M-16 and a kevlar vest
You might come home with one less leg
But this thing'll surely keep a bullet out'ya chest
So come on come on sign up come on
This one's nothing like Viet Nam
Except for the bullets except for the bombs
Except for the youth that's gone

So we keepin' on
Til you're comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire fire fire
Light up ya lighter
Fire fire fire

Tell me President tell me if you will
How many people does a smart-bomb kill
How many of 'em do you think we got
The General says we never miss a shot
And we never ever ever keep a body count
We killin' so efficiently we cant keep count
In the Afghan hills the rebels still fightin'
Opium fields keep on providin'
The best heroin that money can buy and
Nobody knows where Osama been hidin'
The press conferences keep on lyin'
Like we don't know

So we keepin' on
Til you're comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire fire fire
Light up ya lighter
Fire fire fire

So mister engine engine number nine
Machine guns on a New York transit line
The war for oil is a war for the beast
The war on terror is a war on peace
Tellin' you they're gonna protect you
And tellin' you that they support the troops
Don't let 'em fool ya with their milk and honey
No they only want your money
One step forward and two steps back
One step forward and two steps back
Why the veterans get no respect
PTSD and a broken back
Take a look at where your money's gone
Take a look at what they spend it on
No excuses no illusions
Light up ya lighter bring 'em home

So we keepin' on
Til you're comin' home
Higher and higher
Fire fire fire
Light up ya lighter
Fire fire fire

---

Now, I'm by no means a hippie, leftist, liberal...whatever. But I'm sure as frick not the other side either. Just sayin'. I'm pretty middle of the road.

And I like this song. A lot.

That is all.

Very deadly.

2009-05-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

More terrifying than a shark...

More ominous than a volcano...

It's the...

SHARKANO!!!
Y'all best be runnin...

That is all.

Our rad-tastic trip

2009-05-24T18:09:00.000-07:00

The Bahamas are spiffy. The tour guide at Fort Fincastle is rad. I've given some of you my impression of him. Want proof I wasn't exaggerating? Click HERE.

Pics are on my Facebook. They tell the story pretty well.

What's that? I'm supposed to tell you about it? Oh, ok.

We took off from Salt Lake at 7:00 Sunday morning. That flight was fine - nothing out of the ordinary. Then we caught a flight in Atlanta...after a three-hour wait. Fun. That flight was delayed a little bit. Because there was a rubber seal missing from a wheel-well. Yup. We couldn't fly because of lack of a bit of rubber. All was well though.

We landed in Miami and called for a shuttle to the hotel. Then proceeded to board the wrong one. We tried to check in at the WRONG Hilton and had to get a shuttle to the right one. We finally got checked in about 9:30. We got overpriced room service and went to sleep.

We caught a shuttle the next day at noon to the seaport. Check-in and boarding were actually quite a bit easier than I first expected. Cool beans! We were on the boat by 12:45. Our rooms wouldn't be ready until 2, so we walked around and familiarized ourselves with the ship. Correction: I familiarized myself with the ship. By the end of the week, Catherine still had trouble remembering which end was the front unless we were on the top. :) LOVE YA HONEY!!!

That night we didn't do much. We went to a "Welcome Aboard" show and learned a little more about what the cruise entailed. Then we went hot-tubbing for a little while.

On Tuesday we docked at Freeport. Catherine and I had wanted to go to the national park. Unfortunately, it was raining and we decided it wouldn't be much fun that way. So we shopped around the straw market and got some souvenirs. We still had fun. Catherine loved that the lady selling pearl necklaces called her 'beautiful'. And she sure is! We came back to the boat and had a little nap. We went to dinner and when we got back to our room there was a towel bunny with mint eyes waiting for us on our bed! We named him Harvey. We also saw a show where some ninny-folk danced around and sang broadway songs. Catherine loved it. My reaction was more of the "Uhh..." variety. On our way back to the room we decided to race. Catherine took the stairs and I took the elevator. I had to stop on an extra floor so she won by a lot. I was still hungry, so we got room service and fell asleep.

Wednesday was really cool. We docked in Nassau and walked around the shopping district for a bit. We got some tasty rum cakes from the Tortuga Rum shop. And some nail polish for my sister at Del Sol. Everything in that store changes color in the sun. and I'm mot talking red to pink. I mean drastic, vibrant change. her nail polish goes from a minty green to a deep burgundy. Neat-o. Later we took a tour of the city (where the above-linked tour guide came into play) and went to the Ardastra Zoo. they had free-range flamingos just walking around. They later performed a show displaying their marching skills. That was WAY cool. And funny. We went to dinner that night at a nice Italian place onboard and dressed up really nice. Then we went to a comedy/magic show and watched the Newlywed/Not so Newlywed show. We tried to get picked for that one, but didn't win the raffle. :( It was still lots of fun though. We got room service again.

Thursday was kinda sad. Because of thunderstorms, we couldn't land at Great Stirrup Cay, the cruise line's private island. I had been looking forward to this most of all because I really wanted to go snorkeling and play hide and seek with the fishes... Catherine also got a horrible kink in her neck, so she decided to get a massage. Well, I couldn't feel left out, so I got one too. It was amazazing. Deep-tissue style. Ohh..... We bought a few more souvenirs and gifts at the shop on board and went to dinner. There, I tried escargot for the first time. It was fantastic. After dinner I was still peckish, so I went to the buffet and got four desserts. Mmm. Also, over the course of the cruise, I started getting little welt-like sores down my side. By Thursday, they were all over. And big. And painful. I decided I have Swine-Pox.

Friday we came home. That was an adventure... We had the choice to fly through Atlanta again or through Chicago which would get us home two hours earlier. We opted for Chicago. Ugh. Our flight from Miami was delayed to the point where we would have missed our flight in Chicago. So we caught a last minute flight through Dallas. First, that flight was delayed twenty minutes. Then, once we had boarded, we were informed that someone had forgotten to refuel the plane... Then there were two flights on the runway in front of us. We ended up taking off just over an hour after we were supposed to. Oh well. We had a long wait in Dallas for our next flight, anyway.

On the flight from Dallas to Salt Lake, Catherine and I were seated in the emergency exit row. Ok, cool. We got extra foot room. Oh, wait...the old lady in front of us decided that having a heart attack or stroke or something mid-flight would be a good idea. (note: I harbor NO ill will toward her for what happened and sincerely hope she is ok, despite what subsequently happened and how I describe it. thank you.) Luckily, there were 2 doctors and a nurse on the flight. They had her lie down in our lovely footspace and the flight attendants had us move to the back, BACK of the plane and we sat on the fold out jump seats. Rattley. Noisy. Dim. Fun! They had to have us move back to actual seats for the landing. The only seats we could use were the ones the old lady and her son were in. So we had to gingerly step over her...while in our final descent...amid sweet turbulence...avoiding kicing her head...or multiple IV tubes. YAY! once we landed we had to wait until the paramedics came on to take her off before we could leave.

Now, to add stress to the whole flight scenario, In Miamiwe had already checked our luggage to go through Chicago. So we were expecting to have to go to the baggage office in Salt Lake and file a claim to get it. But all was well! When we went to do that, THERE WAS OUR BAG! Alone in the office. So we showed our claim check and practically skipped out of there. Hey my rum cakes were in there. I didn't want to lose those!

Now we're home. It's lovely. The vacation was lovely. Would I do it again? YES. Will I soon? Nope. Too poor. But we have fond memories and love telling the stories. I made sure to leave some stuff out so I CAN tell stories without boring you with what you've already read here! :)

That is all.

Letter From Iraq

2009-05-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

I listened to this song today. Then I listened a few more times. I got this cd (The Gold Record) by The Bouncing Souls a few years ago. The story behind this song apparently, is the band got a letter from a Sergeant in Iraq and liked it so much they put it to music, almost word-for-word. I likes it.

Below the player, I've included the lyrics.

Hot Sunni sun

Passes moaning mosque spire
B-company's pinned down
Under heavy fire
Underneath the palms
There's improvised bombs
Because Jihad-Johnny knows
Yankee is a liar

An eye for an eye
And blood for Texas Tea
At the call to prayer
Al Qaida's on his knees
Isaac versus Ishmael
Allah versus Christ
Zarqawi's on the offense
Picking up the beat

There's celebratory fire
And a purple-thumb vote
Tom Cruise is on a sortie
From a gulf love boat
Smart bombs are coming
See the children running
The dead they are all laughing
But we don't get the joke

An eye for an eye
And blood for Texas tea
At the call to prayer
Al Qaida's on his knees
Isaac versus Ishmael
Allah versus Christ
Zarqawi's on the offense
Picking up the beat

They lost another friend today
It's getting rough over there
They say the whole thing's fucked
I wish the boys were back
At least I know they're still alive
Another letter from Iraq

Presents full of Christmas loot
All that's left of Bullet-Billy
Is a pair of bloody boots
His mom is on the phone
His girl is all alone
We all stand in the rain
For a twenty-one gun salute

---

Yep, pretty much.

That is all.

Sigh

2009-05-13T01:43:00.000-07:00

I read awesome things.

surviving myself

zoomdoggle

my first dictionary

wordy ninja

random ramblings

Et cetera.

I'd like to write this awesomely. But here's the catch. I mostly write these things when I'm on grave shifts. Therefore, you get what I think about on grave shifts.

It sucks because I'll have a really rad idea but forget to write it down. Then spend an hour or so trying to remember what that idea was. Then end up writing this silliness.

On a completely unrelated note, I would really like to see this movie...

Oh, hey...remember that wordy ninja blog I linked up there? No? Well then scroll up a bit and remind yourself.

I'll wait...

Anyhoo, his most recent post (as of this posting) was a thing about his thoughts and having insomnia and I thought, hey, I do blogs like this sometimes...

You know the ones...they have breaks in them like this...

---

And then I start on a new thought. Or sometimes I refer back to a previous thought. I figured it was time for another one of those.

---

3:00am - So, our cruise is next week. HAPPY! The pirate museum tour got kicked off our itinerary. BOO! Oh well. I think trying to get the pirate museum and the zoo both in one day might be a bit much. And we've only got from 9-4. And I can spend a butt-load of time at a zoo. I loves 'em. So that's ok.

---

3:04am - The word 'burrito' just popped into my head. Wow.

---

So, I was just browsing the Fark Video Page and, for some reason, remembered this goodness...

He always makes me smile.

---

3:15am - I didn't put a time on my last post. Fail. Oh well. Sometime between 3:04 and 3:15am, apparently...

---

3:30am - Holy frick! Just found this little gem...

It's an interactive, stop-motion, break-dancing game with Batman and Joker. Rad. -tastic.

---

3:37am - Oh, hey. I just remembered this... I did it earlier tonight and it's kinda freaky...

Want to be too scared to eat Doritos again? hotel626.com (better if you have a webcam/mic)

---

4:25am - Ok...I've just watched quite a few nifty vids. But don't feel like posting them. Too much effort to click that little link thing or copy the embed code. So I'll just tell you to look up 100 greatest movie lines in 200 seconds and William Shatner singing to George Lucas.

---

4:40am - Um...ok. So, some of you know I have this weird fascination with Charles Manson. (don't mistake fascination for admiration. I just find him very intriguing...)

thePatrick told me about this a little while back and I finally got around to watching it. It's simultaneously one of the funniest, most frightening things I've ever seen...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

---

4:54am - Alright. One more video. It's from Animaniacs. Funny, but how in the world did it actually make it to the air?

---

And with that, I think I'll leave you for the night.

That is all.

Why aren't you terrified?!?

2009-05-05T21:59:00.000-07:00

What's that? Because you have common sense and don't get caught up in media fear-mongering? Oh, I see...

(edit) Two Americans have died of Swine Flu*.

Bird Flu killed 70-something in 2005, worldwide*.

The post-9/11 Anthrax 'attack' killed 6*.

This made me laugh...

So I pretty much think this is silliness. Or rather, I did...until I saw...THIS!!!

ZOMBIES!!!! AAAAAHHH!

That is all.

*These numbers based on the most recent counts I could find...they may be off. Sue me.

1:13

2009-04-21T09:15:00.000-07:00

http://www.bunkbeds.net/velociraptor/

When you think about it, that's a LONG FREAKIN' TIME!

That is all.

Our New Addition

2009-04-09T22:02:00.000-07:00

Hi kids.

Meet Charlotte.
Oh...she's so precious.

So here's the story.

I was longboarding home from class on Wednesday, when I saw a little Fox Terrier running down 600 East. I noticed he had a leash so I followed him to see if he had an owner I could take him to. His tag said he was from Tremonton (!) so I called the animal shelter and took him over there with Catherine. Apparently, his previous owner gave him away to someone in who lived close to where I found him. But that someone's family didn't know what the shelter was talking about when they called her. Meanwhile, Catherine and I had gotten fairly attached to him...and how could you not?

So we told the shelter that we would take him if his new owners fell through. Well, we thought we would check up on him this afternoon. The shelter said he was picked up almost immediately after we left him. By this point, we had gottern pretty set on getting a dog, so we had a look around and fell in love with Charlotte. A 2-year-old Lab mix. And just as pretty as can be.

So now wifey is hap-Hap-HAPPY. And that makes me happy.

That is all.

April Foozizzle's!

2009-04-01T20:13:00.001-07:00

No babies for me. Not yet, anyway. Maybe next year.

Haha.

That is all.

Mini-Me

2009-04-01T12:49:00.000-07:00

So...

In about 34 weeks or so, my world is going to flip.

And we're going to have to find a bigger house.

Sucker better not look like an alien...

That is all.

Where The Wild Things Are

2009-03-26T20:43:00.000-07:00

Everyone knows this story, right?If not, I would seriously see what you could do about getting your childhood back, because you've been ROBBED! It is arguably one of the GREATEST children's books ever written.

Well now, ladies and gents, I get to be excited for something. Granted, I get excited fairly easily (as many of you know). But I don't usually get this excited for movies.

Let me reiterate.

I.
Love.
This.
Book.

And now I'm being presented with this awesomeness:

See more funny videos and Entertainment Videos at Today's Big Thing.

Right?

October 16.

Mark your calendars.

And go wild.

That is all.

I win.

2009-03-23T20:29:00.001-07:00

I convinced Catherine to make a 'couple's blog' for us. She's still getting used to it :)

You may read it here.

Revamped.

2009-03-22T22:06:00.001-07:00

No, not the crappy B vampire movie. Yes, I've seen it. No, you shouldn't.

I'm talking about the blog. But of course, you've noticed by now (unless you're hip and reading this on a feed. Or having it dictated to you...). I almost reverted back to my good old standby, black. But I've decided to go with something different. I mean, yeah my last layout was white, too, but I mean different from my normal affinity for dark.

I'm trying to keep it cheery, y'know?

Anyhoo, that's it. I had more planned but I have to go read something. More tomorrow, promise.

I will, however, leave you with a gift, thanks to Chontel.

That is all.

Ready to hate me?

2009-03-20T23:12:00.000-07:00

If so, click here.

I love you all!

That is all.

That's what I said.

2009-03-10T00:38:00.000-07:00

Y'know what? I'm currently on a grave shift. And I've decided it's time for some blogging.

I mean some nitty gritty, soul-searching, thought-provoking, gut-wrenching, unicorn-breeding, dragon-slaying, partridge-in-a-pear-tree-giving, coke-snorting, money-to-a-hobo-giving blogging.

I'm not sure what I was trying to do there...stuff just kept coming out.

---

My little sister Sica got married on Saturday. Her husband is rad. And TALL. I noticed while standing in line at the reception that my sisters and I are inversely as tall as our spouses. I'm the tallest of the three of us (and I'm only 5'3") and have the shortest spouse (5'7"). Sica is tiny (4'10", I think) and her husband Jim is the tallest (6'a billion"). Liz and Tomas are somewhere in the middle... I just thought it was funny.

On the short/wedding topic: I almost started to cry during the ceremony. I mean, my babiest of sisters was getting married. I still see her as my baby sister. It's weird to think she's married. Anyway, as I was just about to cry, I looked over and saw my mom sitting in her chair and noticed something awesome. Her feet were dangling about 2 inches off the floor! I had to stifle a laugh. As I walked out afterward, I gave my mom a hug and said, "You have short legs."

---

(I'm eating lemon heads...and they're amazing.)

---

About a year after getting home from Iraq, thePatrick and I finally got the chance to record some songs and put them up on myspace for our friends to check out. Well, two years later (a couple weeks ago) I got a message from a production company saying they'd like to put one of our songs on a compilation. I was ecstatic. The only issue was the $165 fee. Luckily, I was able to coerce some friends into helping me out with donations and have raised $108 so far! My stepdad has offered to pay whatever difference remains if I don't have it all raised by the 13th. He wins.

Hopefully, this will be the start of my meteoric rise (haha) to stardom. Eventually, I hope to be to the point where I can demand that U2 open for me.

---

I'm growing more and more fond of The Faint lately. I mean I freaking love them. A while back I posted about longboarding around campus with them cuddling with my eardrums. I've since come the the desicion that they are my favorite band to longboard to. I found it particularly amusing last semester when I bif'd it coming down the hill a wee bit too fast while listening to their song 'Take Me To The Hospital'. I'm pretty sure 'The Conductor' is my favorite by them.

Their bass-lines are really fun to play, too.

---

I've been thinking about my major lately. Or rather, actually declaring one. I really want to do music composition. I know I've got it in me, I just need to learn the freaking fundamentals. For example, I can't read music. I play and learn by ear. I can read guitar tabs, but that's really about it. It has come to my attention that many beginning music classes expect students to already be able to read music. So guess what I get to work on this summer?

---

I've still got Mike TV's phone number in my phone. That's freaking awesome to me. If I use it, would that make me a creepy fan-boy? Hmm...

---

Last fall I randomly stumbled upon some guy's blog. Since discovering it (in September, perhaps?) I have read every daily post he's put up. I find it quite amusing. And interesting that I find the anecdotes of a complete stranger so amusing.

---

I failed my New Year's resolution, horribly. I was going to practice writing songs. I was going to write one a week, no matter how goofy or dumb I thought it was. I got one done. And I don't even remember it.

---

I said last week sometime that I was going to go private. And that Sunday was when it was going to happen. I changed my mind...for now. Those of you whose e-mails I have don't need to worry about giving them to me again should I decide to do it. Mostly the reason I'm not is because I'm really calm lately and don't so much feel like ranting.

---

And with that, I'm really tired. So I'm going to stop being clever and close this thing out for tonight.

Later.

That is all.

I don't get it...

2009-03-06T12:56:00.000-08:00

Help me out here...

How does the phrase 'meteoric rise' make any sense?

That meteor ain't rising out of the ocean there. It's crashing. Hard.

So if anything should be described as 'meteoric', might I suggest a failure?!?

EXAMPLES

blah blah...Obama's meteoric rise to become president...blah blah

--->MAKES NO SENSE

blah blah...the meteoric failure of Gigli...blah blah

--->Oh, I see. Because it was a terrible movie, and stuff...

That is all.

I never really wanted to, but...

2009-03-04T00:50:00.001-08:00

...I think I'm going to be going private. Everyone listed on my sidebar, you're in; I just need most of y'all's e-mails. Anyone else interested, throw me a comment.

I just know some people who read my blog, and I really don't mind that they do...I'd just prefer to say some things on here that I don't need to be read by everyone. This is my venting space. I can't rightly do that if I know whoever I'm ranting about is going to read it the next week.

That's not to say I'm burying it. This just isn't the proper way to convey frustrations to the frustrator. I mean really, that's like breaking up over myspace, and I left high school 6 years ago.

So yeah...sidebar peeps, leave me your e-mails. Peeps who read this that I don't know about, shoot me a comment.

I'm thinking this'll take effect...hmm...Sunday night (march 8).

That is all.

Bombs are cool.

2009-02-28T21:45:00.000-08:00

So, have you ever wondered just how large an area would be affected if a nuke went off in your front yard?

No?

So just me then...

Well, now I'm sure you are, so here's you're answer.

You can see the area of effect of various bombs anywhere you want. Be it a friend's house, your gramma's place...or hey, even Mt. Everest.

Play around with it. It's fun.

(Oh, and every time you reload the window, the map randomly generates to a new place. Sweet.)

That is all.

Cue up them Beach Boys!!!

2009-02-21T13:29:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you take one part tax return, two parts married couple who didn't get a honeymoon, and a burning desire for it not to be winter anymore?

This.

With a side of this.

After being married 3 months now (6 by the time we actually go) Catherine and I are finally getting our honeymoon. May 18 we are flying out to Miami and getting on a boat for 4 days in the Bahamas!

And yes, the ship pictured above is the one we will be on...

There's a zoo...

A sweet cave tour...

And a FREAKIN' PIRATE MUSEUM!!!

We're stopping at Grand Bahama Island, Nassau, and Great Stirrup Cay.

We ended up not getting the balcony room we originally wanted...my wife is practical like that. But we've still got an oceanview room, so we're not down in the bowels of the ship.

Happy times shall ensue.

That is all.

PSA

2009-02-04T12:32:00.000-08:00

Just so everyone knows, this stuff...

...is pretty much amazing.

Chemists of the world, THANK YOU!

And that's all I'm going to say about that.

Though, whilst searching for that image up there, I stumbled upon this. My wife laughed.

That is all.

Social Distortion

2009-01-24T21:41:00.000-08:00

Yeah, they're old. But dang'd if I don't love 'em.

I was in a mood to listen to Ball And Chain today and kept listening to them. They're just the right level of depressing for me right now.

EXAMPLES

"Times are hard, getting harder. I'm born to lose and destined to fail."

"Life goes by so fast. You only want to do what you think is right. You close your eyes and it's passed..."

"But the day may come when you've got something to lose. And just when you think you're done paying dues, you say to yourself Dear God, what have I done, and hope it's not too late, 'cause tomorrow may never come..."

I'm broke. I'm stressed. I can't take time off work because I let my hours slack last quarter, so now I have to get at least 32 hours per week. With school Mon-Fri and work Thurs-Sun, I never have a day off.

I don't have time to decompress before going to bed after work, because I have to be up the next morning. And I can't sleep between class and work because that's the only time I can spend time with my wife.

I know, I know...everyone goes through these tough bits. And you can get through them. I just needed to vent and I haven't been on here in a while.

I need a good outlet. Playing loudly is a good one, but I can only really do that once a week. Stupid work...

That is all...I suppose.

hello?

2009-01-16T21:59:00.000-08:00

why don't I feel like blogging?

Thoughts...

2009-01-05T01:13:00.001-08:00

I'm just over 10 hours into a 12 hour shift. I finished a 2-liter of Mountain Dew in about 7 hours. That works out to just over 300mg of caffeine. I'm twitching.

thePatrick showed me a site today. Parry Gripp Song Of The Week. He posts 2 songs per week (some are remixes of each other). They're awesome. Highlights include Theme From Bunny Robot, Theme From A Wiener Dog Riding A Skateboard, and Up Butt Coconut. And I'm not even halfway through. Mr. Gripp (who also happens to be the singer for Nerf Herder) has been doing this since 1/1/08. I tip my hat to you, sir.

It's inspired my New Year's resolution. Ok, so Mike TV's advice helped a bit too... Write more songs. The goal is one a week. No matter how silly, lame, or absurd. I have a habit of starting songs and never finishing them. So I'm going to force myself to, rather than continually trying to improve them. Just say, ok, that one is done.

1 per week. Silliness. I'll even try and record some on my lappy probably.

Ok, so that's it.

Um...Caffeine is whoa. Or woah? I dunno...ask Keanu.

That is all.

Because I'm bored and you can't do anything about it...

2009-01-02T22:06:00.000-08:00

...here's another lyric quiz for y'all.

You should remember the rules from last time. If not, check the archives.

Ready, go!

---

1. Danny says that he got caught up in all the talk of how it used to be

2. Something that I felt today, something that I heard

3. Hey porter, hey porter, would you tell me the time?

4. In my silence I would love to forget, but restitution hasn't come quite yet

5. Hello, my name is Vern and I just moved out west. Why I left my hometown is anybody's guess

6. Holy cow I think I got one here, now just what am I supposed to do?

7. For today we will take their body parts and put them on the wall...

8. Your eyes shine bright like a Jesus nightlight

9. Fifteen, I'm strung out once again and kicked out

10. I've heard it all before, could hear it all a thousand times more

11. The call to arms was never true, time to imbibe here's to you

12. I'm missing your bed, I never sleep

13. At the end of that May the world seemed to shine

14. There are things you should know, the distance between us seems to grow

15. And we'll float to the end where the oceans do bends and we'll fly away

16. I would hire the A-Team and I'd crash the General Lee

17. All aboard hit the road all the bullshit can't be ignored

18. Hold on before you break me, give me one more chance

19. {spoiler lyrics here, so I'll skip to the second line} Pretentious attention, dismissive apprehension

20. Black and white are all I see in my infancy

21. I'm always thinking of you, you're never thinking of me

22. Pictures of you, oh they're still on my mind

23. Well clowns are neat oh clowns are fun clowns are loved by everyone

24. Won't make the bed up straight, I always stay out late

25. I was never cool in school, I'm sure you don't remember me

Yet another blog stolen from thePatrick.

2009-01-02T11:46:00.000-08:00

So, I liked thePatrick's condensement of 2008. So I'm going to do the same thing.

January: Hey, she's pretty cute...

February: First actual birthday in recent memory, 10 lbs of Sour Patch Kids, got the girl. (strange that the shortest month was also the fullest)

March: Thanks for the amp, Alan!

April: BenFoldsBenFoldsBenFoldsBenFoldsBenFolds!!!

May: So that's the ring you want, huh?

June: She said yes!

July: Ephing fireworks...

August: Yakima is a hole.

September: Wow, I get more for eduacation benefits than I thought...sorry, thePatrick...

October: All my Church-ness fully reinstated.

November: Wedd'd.

December: Aww...first Christmas together :)

So that's pretty much it. 2008 basically revolved around Catherine. Here's to 2009 being just as rad!

That is all.

Seriously the worst band ever...

2008-12-28T21:55:00.000-08:00

I'd sooner fork out the green for front row tickets to The Jonas Brothers than ever hear a Nickelback song again. If you listen to them, shame on you. If you willingly trade your hard earned money for their CDs, posters, or tickets, please leave me a comment and I'll come to your house and take that money and put it toward my tuition. That way, you still get robbed, but at least I put forth more effort earning it and it's going to a good cause.

I just visited a friend's (she shall remain nameless) myspace page. She had just added "Gotta Be Somebody", Nickelback's new single, to her player. I immediately remembered I never made her that mix CD I promised her almost three years ago. Maybe I could have saved her. Anyway, eventually, curiosity got the best of me and I had to find the video on youtube.

(Persons with a heart condition or are pregnant, nursing, or may become pregnant should consult a doctor before viewing)

Let us begin.

Drummer: I could have played this when I was seventeen. Step it up, son.

Guitarist: Why don't you learn another chord? You use the same four chords for the verse and chorus parts. And on top of that, you don't even switch them up. Also, the pre-chorus is just wretched.

Bassist: You look distracted - like someone is jangling keys off-screen. Pay attention you what you're doing.

Chad Kroeger: Where to begin... 1) Stop standing bow-legged. It looks like a moose took advantage of you last night. 2) Stop bleaching your hair. And I'm not sure if you're aware, men's hair should never be feathered. I heard that after seeing this, Farrah Faucet's nipples softened for the first time in history out of sheer sadness. 3) Please explain why you're playing the guitar in this song. There's no difference between what you play and what the lackey to your right plays. 4) That ground cracking beneath your feet? It's not because you're so rockin'. The Earth is just trying to swallow you because the sound waves you create are detrimental to the environment. Little Boy and Fat Man caused less damage.

Live Nation (Nickelback's label): Stop marketing this crap. Who gave the greenlight on signing them?

I heard recently that rock and roll is destroying America. I partially agree. I don't feel that rock is destroying America. But I'm pretty sure the runny, corn-encrusted fecal matter that is passed off as rock and roll can't be good for society.

So for all that is good and decent, stop making terrible music. Stop manipulating people into buying terrible music by attaching a cool stigma to it.

That is all.

A story. And a list.

2008-12-26T00:59:00.000-08:00

So I'll start with a story. This was my first Christmas with my Wifey. Everything went off without a hitch. We saw relatives. No one fought. It really was a great Christmas. Until it was over. See, I had to be to work at midnight on the 26th (hey, that's where I am...wow). We left her parents' place (Farmington) about 6 and ventured northward, knowing we would run into a storm.

Boy did we run into a storm...

It was bad enough we didn't even bother with Sardine Canyon. We "knew" it would be closed. We both grew up traversing it, we know how this game works.

Or so we thought.

We got off the exit in Tremonton to come that way. A few miles down that highway there was a cop car, lights-a-flashin', in the middle of the road informing us that the highway was closed. So many people had come that way avoiding the canyon that they had to close the road. Sardine was open the WHOLE TIME.

I was annoyed.

So we started the trek back to Brigham City to brave the canyon. We stopped at a Flying-J to get some snacks. Yummy! Then we entered the canyon. At the mouth was a sign warning that 4x4/chains were required. Good. I drive a 2-wheel-drive Kia. With no chains. Well I didn't have much choice at this point.

To sum up, the drive which normally takes about one hour and ten-fifteen minutes took us four hours and fifty minutes. I was majorly annoyed. I did not get a nap before coming in to work. I should have been home just after seven. Plenty of time for sleepings.

Nope.

---

Part 2

thePatrick posted a list of his top albums for the year. Good choices, sir. I would do one as well, but I really didn't get that much new music this year. Sad...

Instead, I'll regale you with what I listened to in chunks during different periods throughout the year.

Sweeney Todd: The Motion Picture Soundtrack
This one was actually a rollover from the end of 2007. I found 'Epiphany' to be especially lovely while other cars were exhibiting copious amounts of jackassery on the road.

Get Set Go Presents: Sunshine, Joy, And Happiness: A Tragic Tale Of Death, Despair, And Other Silly Nonsense
Released midway through January, this lovely album took over my CD player/iPod for quite a while. I'd been anticipating it for nearly a year and couldn't put it down. Even now when I really start listening to it, do so exclusively for about a week at a time. 'Cannibalism Is The Cure' tops the list dominantly, with the entire rest of the album in a tie for second place...it's all so good!

The Photo Atlas: (all their stuff that I have...)
These guys were sort of a bad luck band for thePatrick and I. Several times attempting to see them ended is sadness. One included a completely pointless trip to PROVO! How much worse can it get, right? Well, Warped Tour '07 apparently ended the curse and we've seen them a few times since. I listened to them for quite a while during the last bit of February in preparation for their March 1st show in Sandy. I bought their singer's amp. It's lovely. I play it loud. Just like they'd want it. (Seriously, they're one of the loudest live shows I've ever seen...maybe it's cause I'm always front and center...?)

Most of summer, I mixed it up pretty good...and then...

Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog
I'm a fan of Neil Patrick Harris. Really. So when I heard about this mini-musical, I was fairly excited. Then when I heard it involved several people who were involved with Buffy The Vampire Slayer, my interest waned. Chad convinced me to watch the first part and I was hooked. I love it. I learned most of the songs (many forgotten by now, unfortunately). It's funny Watch it. F'realz.

Reggie And The Full Effect: Last Stop: Crappy Town
Admittedly, Crappy Town was only one of the five Reggie albums listened to repeatedly toward the end of my summer. It was however, the most recent release from musical genius (really, he's got a degree in composition) James Dewees (formerly of The Get Up Kids and Coalesce). In preparation for the "farewell" concert I listened to this religiously. J Train became a quick favorite. They even made a video for it. It's funny. Go here. Now.

The Faint: (everything I have from them)
thePatrick talked me into going to see these guys with him. I didn't really know them, so I figured I'd better educate myself. Seriously some of the coolest sounds I've ever heard. If you've never listened to them, you're missing out. I don't even know how to describe it. Cap it with the singer dressing like Dr. Horrible at the concert and I was walking (or longboarding) around campus more often than not with them cuddling with my eardrums.

Ben Folds: Way To Normal
Now, at first I was annoyed because I'm a bit of a grammar Nazi. I thought it was supposed to be 'Way Too Normal'. But upon listening to the track 'Effington', I realized that it is referring to the direction one must travel in order to reach Normal, Illinois. 'You Don't Know Me', 'Hiroshima', and 'Free Coffee' also make me quite happy. (Psst, 'Free Coffee', performed live, is one of the coolest things I've ever seen!)

I should probably also give honorable mention to:
The Matches: A Band In Hope
Mindless Self Indulgence: If
Erratic Erotica: Masochist At The Masquerade Ball
The Vandals: Oi To The World (hey, I've devoted almost a dozen posts to that album...that's the only reason it didn't make the top list)
The Dollyrots: Because I'm Awesome

That is all.

Hang Myself From The Tree

2008-12-21T20:54:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the last installment from Oi To The World. And one of my favorites. Although, if you're alone this year, maybe don't read it...

---

Christmas is Hell on Earth
I know nothing worse
Than being depressed
And told to be happy
The season of suicide
I know why they died
Christmas reminds me
I have nothin

I've got no girl there's only me
No friends or family
Another Christmas alone
I've got no food to eat
No ornaments or wreath
So I'll hang myself from the tree

Christmas is dark and wet
So I can't forget
Christmas reminds me
I have nothin
This is the end of hope
I won't write a note
Because it would be
Addressed to no one

Got no girl there's only me
No friends or family
Another Christmas alone
Got no food to eat
No ornaments or wreath
So I'll hang myself from the tree

So I'll hang myself from the tree

Now I will say goodbye
And no one will cry
Christmas goes on
Without me
My life is now complete
So I'll go to sleep
Forever and ever and ever

Got no girl there's only me
No friends or family
Christmas alone
Got no food to eat
No ornaments or wreath
So I'll hang myself from the tree

---

I'll even include the live video for this one. Just because I love Warren. (with bonus "A Gun For Christmas" goodness!)

That is all.

Here I Am Lord / C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S

2008-12-20T01:38:00.000-08:00

Ok...so I don't really like 'Here I Am Lord'. It's apparently a traditional Christmas song, but I've never heard it before. Also, C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S is horribly obscene, even by my standards.

So what I've decided to do (so y'all can still be edu-tained) is put up links to the lyrics, already done by someone else.

Here I Am Lord

C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S

So there ya go. Don't say I didn't warn you about that acronym one...ridiculous...

That is all.

The OC

2008-12-18T14:14:00.001-08:00

So really quick, I just wanted to say that The OC is magical. Yes, I own all four seasons. And Seth makes me happy.

I don't know why I like it so much. Thinking about it, it's practically a soap opera. And those are dumB. Yes, with a capital B. But for some reason, The OC wins.

I made my wife watch a couple episodes right after we got married. Now, not only does she watch them with me, but she even watched a few episodes while I was at work because she couldn't wait to see what happened... Yay!

Go watch now.

That is all.

My First Christmas As A Woman

2008-12-17T13:07:00.000-08:00

All I can say is, Chris, keep reaching for that star...

---

I'm not a real girl...

With Christmas upon us
It's time to be honest
Follow my dreams and to face
A life of delusion
And gender confusion
That no longer will be the case

I never wanted army men or basketballs
I only wanted pantyhose and barbie dolls
And dressing up in mother's clothing
my whole life I've been feeling only feminine
It always seemed so useless trying to be a man
Now that's the ghost of Christmas past

And now it feels like the very first time
Cause it's gonna be the very first time
That Christmas feels right to me
And I know that I'm lookin good
Just like a real girl should
It's my first Christmas as a woman

Yeah a doctor reconstructed all my genitals
And now I'm waitin underneath the misteltoe
For a guy who could love a girl like me

I took the hormones and I got my breasts
This season's gonna be the best
To me
I won't have to tuck it behind me
Since I got my brand new vagina
It's my first Christmas as a woman

Chop it off chop it off chop it off
My penis, chop it off
It's no use to me
Cut it off chop it off chop it off
My penis, cut it off
So I can finally be
A woman

Now I'm finally happy cause I made my goal
To be a post-operative transsexual
Now I am a pretty lady

And now it feels like the very first time
Cause it's gonna be the very first time
That Christmas feels right to me
Cause I know that I'm lookin good
Just like a real girl should
It's my first Christmas as a woman

---

Oh, it makes me laugh...

That is all.

I Don't Believe In Santa Claus

2008-12-13T21:41:00.000-08:00

Can't find time for shopping this year? Just use this handy speech as an excuse...

---

Uh, the reason I didn't get you anything this year is, is because...

I don't believe in Santa Claus
His corporate image forced upon
The blinded spending masses
To enslave the lower classes
Obligatory gifts that serve
To cleanse a year of guilt and shame
Token gesture justifies
The apathetic hypnotized
Leading them to be Kris Kringle's slaves
Ooh

Buy Buy
I won't do it
The season's obligation has not my participation
Buy Buy
I won't do it
The money-hungry mating call of corporate swine
Cause it's only for the money
And it's only for the money
Cause it's only for the money
Now buy!

He monitors naughty and nice
Big Brother is Saint Nick
Methodically his judgment made
Documented on his list
I don't believe in Santa Claus
Or his mystical facade
To teach the children want and greed
Their lust for gifts becomes a need
Brainwashed by the marketing
And victims of the corporate scheme
Material possessions
Becoming their obsessions
Til human life has lost it's value
Blindly do just what they tell you

I don't believe!

His tactics of intimidation
Repress the minds of youth
Using fear for generations
His image hides the truth
He's just a puppet for the system
A glutton in a suit
With yuletide propaganda
And a bearded mask to boot

Uh, that and, I couldn't find a place to park at the mall. Sorry...

---

Gotta love a good Anti-Corporate Rant at Christmas...

That is all.

Oh, happy days!!!

2008-12-12T14:12:00.000-08:00

So, I apparently wasn't listening in Creative Arts class when we were told that the final would be available online from noon on Tuesday to 11:30AM Friday (today). I somehow came under the impression that it was up until 11:30PM. You can imagine the stress I felt when I logged into blackboard only to find that the exam had closed. Catherine had just left to meet with a client so I called her before she pulled out of the driveway. She came running back in and managed to calm me down enough that I could email the professor and beg for mercy. Fifteen minutes later I got a response saying that it would be reopened until 5PM, but no exceptions after that. YAY!!!!!!! So I took it. And rushed it a little. I ended up with about a 79%. Not bad, but not what I needed to help with my GPA. Oh well. The point is, I got to take my final. So I'm a little happier.

Also, I found this. Merry Christmas!

That is all.

Christmas Time For My (you know what)

2008-12-11T21:01:00.000-08:00

So, that's not really the title. It's really "Christmas Time For My Penis"

Read on if you're not already offended.

---

I see you've been feeling down
When I need you you've been around
So this year I've a Christmas surprise
That will make your spirits rise

I think back on the times
When you've always been there for me
And when things seemed unclear
You did the thinking for me

I owe you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times
And I won't forget you this year
It's Christmas time for my penis

I know I have let you down
When you just needed a hand
When I was uncertain
You showed me that I am a man

I owe you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times
And I'm going to give you
The joy that you've earned this year pal
It's Christmas time for my penis

Flannel underwear...
New lotion...
A hat?
Oriental massage...
A monocle?
A blowup doll?
A lap-dance?

I owe you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times

It's Christmas time for my penis

I know you've been feeling down
All bent up it's so hard to breathe
Don't fret this Christmas
You'll get the attention you need

I love you so much that it's hard
To repay you for all the good times
We'll get whores and pornography
Your special holiday pal
It's Christmas time for my penis

Thank you.

---

And no, that's NOT the worst song on the album...

That is all.

Oi To The World

2008-12-09T20:21:00.000-08:00

Ah, a happy little ditty about two enemies coming together in the spirit of Christmas...

---

If God came down on Christmas Day
What would He think?
What would He say?
Would He notice all we've done?
Or just the battles seldom won?
I think I know what God would say
If He came down on Christmas Day
He'd say to every boy and girl
"Where's the Oi I gave to the world?"

Haji was a punk just like any other boy
And he never had no trouble til he started up his Oi band
Safe in the garage or singing in the tub
Til Haji went to far and he plugged in at the pub

'Twas a cold Christmas Eve when Trevor and his skins
Popped in for a pint and to nick a bag of crisps
Trevor liked the music but not the unity
He unwound Haji's turban and he knocked him to his knees

If God came down on Christmas Day
I know exactly what He'd say
He'd say "Oi! to the punks
And Oi! to the skins
But Oi! to the world and everybody wins"

Haji was a bloody mess he ran out through the crowd
He said We'll meet again we are bloodied yet unbowed
Trevor called his bluff and told him where to meet
Christmas Day on the roof at 20 Oxford street

If God came down on Christmas Day
I know exactly what He'd say
He'd say "Oi! to the punks
And Oi! to the skins
But Oi! to the world and everybody wins"

On the roof with the nunchucks
Trevor broke a lot of bones
But Haji had a sword
Like that guy from Indiana Jones

Police sirens wailing
A bloody dying man
Haji was alone
And abandoned by his band
Trevor was there fading
And still so full of hate
When the skins left him there
And went down the fire escape

When Haji saw the North Star shining more than ever
And he made a tourniquet from his turban saving Trevor
They rappelled off the roof with the rest of the turban
And went back to the pub where they bought each other bourbon

If God came down on Christmas Day
I know exactly what He'd say
He'd say "Oi! to the punks
And Oi! to the skins
But Oi! to the world and everybody wins"

If God came down on Christmas Day
I know exactly what He'd say
He'd say "Oi! to the punks
And Oi! to the skins
But Oi! to the world and everybody wins"

---

Aww...they're friends now!

That is all.

Thanx For Nothing

2008-12-07T23:23:00.000-08:00

So...I slipped up. Nothing that really matters, I just posted a song out of order. Oh well. None of you noticed.

And now for a message about the joy of giving...

---

Fa la la la la la la la la la
Thanks for nothing

You shouldn't have
Oh you didn't
You're so generous
Thanks for nothing

Never mind all the stuff that I bought for you
It was my pleasure
Getting nothing back
Come next year
I'm getting you
Exactly what
You got me
Fucking nothing
See how you like it

I don't have much money
But I got you something nice
I maxed out my card
Didn't care about the price
To show I care this time of year
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Thanks for nothing

So I just sat
Under the Christmas tree
Trying to find the gifts that I thought you got for me
But there was nothing there
What a shock
Just torn up Christmas wrappings
From all the gifts I bought

Thanks for all the effort
To brighten up my Christmas
Thank you for the knife
That you stabbed me in the back with
What a blessing
You're really something
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Thanks for nothing

I've been so selfless
Choosing gifts so thoughtfully
Sweating in a crowded mall
You didn't get shit for me
You selfish asshole
I hope you die
Choking on your putrid pile of presents six feet high

Thanks for making Christmas
Such a disappointment
Thanks for making sharing
Seem so fucking pointless
What a pal
I'll tell you one thing
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Thanks for nothing
Fa la la la la la la la la la
Thanks for nothing
Fa la la la la la la la la la la la la
Fuck you!

---

I apologize in advance to anyone for whom I don't get a present...I'm poor.

That is all.

Nothing's Going To Ruin My Holiday

2008-12-05T21:35:00.000-08:00

Here's the words to a little tune about making the best of a bad situation...or something like that.

---

This is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Everything this year's been a disaster
But I won't let that bother me at all
Nothing's gonna bring me down
It's Christmas and I'm pleased as punch
To stand my happy ground

I refuse to let my family make me crazy
I'll smile at their insults and their frowns
Ignore the shitty weather
Cause what counts is we're together
Loving safe and sound

Nothing's gonna ruin my holiday
Not this time, you hear?
And if you try to ruin my holiday
I swear you will regret it for the rest of the fucking year

The turkey might have made the children vomit
The tree burnt down and torched up all our gifts
But I will grin and bear it
And this nightmare we will share it
Til I get my only wish
It's

Nothing's gonna ruin my holiday
No act of God or family fight
Cause if you try to ruin my holiday
I swear you will regret it for the rest of your fucking life
You'll burn in Hell with hot pokers in your eyes
And acid on your flesh

This is going to be the best Christmas ever!

Soon this crappy Christmas will be over
And I'll go right back to my pissed off self
But until that happens
I will just continue laughing
Like one of those creepy retard mutant North-Pole elves

Nothing's gonna ruin my holiday
Not this year I won't let that be the case
And if you try to ruin my holiday
I'll punch you in your fat disgusting turkey eating face
Understand me?!

This is going to be the best Christmas EVER!

---

I don't even have a punchline for this one...

That is all.

Grandpa's Last X-mas

2008-12-04T21:16:00.000-08:00

Track 2 of Oi! To The World is a lovely song embracing family values...

---

Mommy!

Mom says
'Put on your Christmas best
Grandpa's coming down this year
And it might be his last'
Why mom
You say that every time
It seems that he's been dying
Ever since that I was nine

I don't mean no disrespect
Because he's old and mean
How come we invite him
When he always makes a scene

Tell me why does
He hit me with his cane
And why should I get him a gift
If he don't know my name
How come
He always calls me Kate
And forgets his dentures
On his dinner plate

This could be Grandpa's last Christmas
That's what Mother says
Grandpa's last Christmas
And soon he might be dead
So be nice
Be nice
To Grandpa

What can
I say to someone 300 years old
When he seems so content
Staring at the Jell-o mold
Please mom
Let me go out and play
Or soon I will go deaf like him
From hearing him complain

I know
His life's been long and hard
And he deserves some quiet peace
In a nice graveyard
Grandpa
I love you just the same
But I know you won't be happy
Til you drove us all insane
Just like you

Grandpa's last Christmas
That's what Mother says
Grandpa's last Christmas
And soon he might be dead
So be nice
Be nice
To Grandpa
Cause he's old
And he smells
And he's gonna die soon
Be nice
To Grandpa

---

I actually played this at a family Christmas party a couple years ago. My grandpa loved it!

That is all.

Um...a sidenote on the Oi

2008-12-01T23:49:00.000-08:00

So I just listened to 'Oi!...' all the way through and I've decided that there are a couple I don't think I'll be posting. I'd forgotten about them. But I'll still put a link up so you curious-types can still educate yourselves.

That is all.

A Gun For Christmas

2008-12-01T14:32:00.000-08:00

The first installment of the magic that is Oi! To The World...

(note: this song is REALLY fast, so a couple lyrics may be misheard...)

---

Families lock their doors in fear that criminals might get them
But this Christmas rest assured that I will have my own protection

I'll get a gun for Christmas to pretect my other gifts
If burglars touch my property they won't leave here without a limp
Packing heat this Christmas I'll shoot it off on New Year's Eve
Cause bullets go in outer space when pointed up, I believe

A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
Says I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once, stay the fuck away from my shit

I will use my new weapon in self-defense and sport
And to keep the carollers off of my G*ddamn porch
And preventing Yuletide homicides this year

I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Claus
Sleeping with no fear of danger and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once, stay the fuck away from my shit

Christmas needs security, security is weapons
Vigilante action teaching criminals their lesson
It's the greatest gift we have, taking out our rival
Thank you Santa, thank you God for guaranteeing my survival

A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
Says I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once, stay the fuck away from my shit

I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause
Sleeping with no fear of danger and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once, stay the fuck away from my crap
I'll bust a cap in your ass

---

Co-G, I think of you every time I listen to this song...

That is all.

Oh, and!!!

2008-11-28T23:28:00.001-08:00

With Christmas coming up, I'm going to be posting the lyrics to all the songs from My Favorite Christmas Album Ever (at least until I have children from whom I have to hide it).

Every few days starting December 1, I'll post the lyrics to every track (minus 'Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies' and 'Overture', both of which are instrumental...) in order.

Let's hope thePatrick doesn't beat me to any...

My finger's a few ounces heavier...

2008-11-28T22:52:00.000-08:00

...but other than that, being married doesn't feel any different at all. I mean, yeah I don't have to go back to my apartment at midnight. And there's that whole procreating thing. But it's been about a week and it hasn't really HIT me that whoa, I'm married.

It almost did Sunday. But not quite.

Oh well. I'm liking it. I don't want to give the wrong impression with this.

Pics anyone?

I'm rad. You know it.

I got to play a special song for my sweetie. Happy.

Not sure what she sees...

Tossing the bouquet (caught by Evil Christy)

Debating to whom to fling the garter. John-Face got it.

We had such a fun night. My mom hired a car to take us to the hotel afterwards so we could just be disgusting in the back seat instead of me driving...

I had to secretly conspire with thePatrick every time I got the chance to arrange for him to drop my car off for me.

I'm honestly surprised at how fast the night went. We had a great time and almost forgot to cut the cake before we left! (pics to come later)

I'm glad the planning and stressing about the day are past. Now I just get to live out my days with my honey :)

That is all.

Myne Very Owne Lyric Quyze

2008-11-20T12:45:00.001-08:00

So, taking a cue from thePatrick and Chonny, I've decided to put up my own Lyric Quiz. I knew 9 on thePatrick's (though I guess I only get credit for 7, as 2 were already guessed) and 7 on Chonny's.

Ready iTunes? Here we go...

X I think we have an emergency. I think we have an emergency. If you thought I'd leave then you were wrong cause I won't stop holding on
Emergency by paramore

2. When I first came to this island that I called my own name

X High as a kite on a flight soarin through the night, droppin new sh*t from the f***in mothership
Hellborn by Unwritten Law

4. We'll meet again, don't know where, don't know when. But I know we'll meet again some sunny day

5. I've got a friend, his name is motor, and he used to dance in the summer.

6. Whistles the wind blowin my way, sweepin me back, back here to stay

X We don't need no education, we don't need no thought control
Another Brick In The Wall by Pink Floyd

X There was a guy, an underwater guy who controlled the sea, got killed by ten million pounds of sludge from New York or New Jersey (2 acceptable answers for artist)
Monkey Gone To Heaven by The Pixies or Frank Black

9. When you grab a hold of me, tell me that I'll never be set free, but I'm a parasite, creep and crawl I step into the night

10. Hin und wieder stell' ich fest dass ich nicht mehr lachen kann, über Sachen die ich früher lustig fand

X I've been really tryin' baby, tryin' to hold back this feeling for so long
Let's Get It On by Marvin Gaye

X Mother and child, I'm such a man for a short while, and promises be, the world just spins faster than me
Energy by Collective Soul

X Met a girl, thought she was grand, fell in love, found out first hand
She Hates Me by Puddle Of Mudd

14. I haven't paid attention to a word you've said, and I wouldn't really care if tomorrow you were dead

X Hey hey hey that's what I say, Hey hey hey hey!
Running Out Of Turbo by The Sounds

16. I can still feel you I can still feel you

X Is this how it was intended, the sunrise over smokestacks in the midwest
All You Can Ever Learn Is What You Already Know by The Ataris

18. Ooh ooh, ooh ooh, you'll never be a better kind if you don't leave the world behind

19. Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time, I feel ali-i-i-ive

20. I'm a killer, cold and wrathful, silent sleeper, I've been inside your bedroom

21. Used to be one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that, now you're all gone got your makeup on and you're not coming back

22. They laugh at me aloud, they say I'm just a clown

X Bite the hand that feeds your face, one more thing you can't replace
Caving by Reggie And The Full Effect

X It's like seeing a car crash form inside the car, the driver's got his head craned back he's telling you a joke
USA-holes by NOFX

25. Walking down thought I saw a penny, something tells me it wasn't red

Good luck.

Peasant's Quest...

2008-11-16T06:09:00.001-08:00

I had some time to kill on my grave shift, so I decided to beat Peasant's Quest. Or, got to the end anyway...you can't beat it. Trogdor's indestructible.

I stunk like a peasant.

I dressed like a peasant.

And I got on fire like a peasant.

Fun for me.

That is all.

It's Not Christmas Yet

2008-11-14T22:25:00.000-08:00

I promise. Want proof? isitchristmas.com will tell you.

We still have another holiday to go before Christmas can come. Remember Thanksgiving? That holiday where we eat a lot?

(We do that every day...)

Ok, that holiday where we eat a lot with people that annoy us.

(Oh, he's anti-family...)

Really now. Let Christmas stay in December. Do we start getting ready for Halloween before Labor Day? Or do we see little green dudes all over the store when we go in to buy a card with a big red heart on it? Not so much. (If you do see this in whatever store you go to, please feel free to burn it down.)

So why exactly is it that Christmas is let loose so far before its time? I can't come up with a good answer. Sure, I've got my cynical, idealist rant about how commercialism is ruining Christmas, but that just makes me sound like a pompous douche. And we don't need anymore of those. There are Douche-a-Plenty in these parts. (That's right theBodilys, I used it in a sentence!)

And who in Frick's Crap decided that the day after Thanksgiving had to be the day EVERONE AND THEIR HAIRDRESSER starts shopping? Relax, you freaks! It's because of you all that I don't dare venture outside my house that day. Heck, sometimes I feel like I need to hunker down with a shotgun just to keep the most confused consumerist zombies off of my porch...

Whatever the cause, it is now irreversible. So I will give up my stand to keep Christmas in December and allow it to start on "Black Friday". But until then, NO decorations, NO displays in stores, and for the love of all that is in any way, shape, or form holy, NO CHRISTMAS SONGS ON THE EPHING RADIO!

Jerks.

That is all.

Veteran's Day

2008-11-11T21:03:00.000-08:00

Thank you.

To everyone who has served, especially with me.

I know I've complained a lot about being a part of the army, but if I got a second chance, I'd enlist all over again. I don't know what I would be doing, where I would be living, or even who I would be. I've been presented with some amazing opportunities because of the choice I made. And my life has truly been blessed.

If I hadn't joined the army, I wouldn't be marrying Catherine in 11 days.

I joined. I got deployed. I met who would become my best friend. I moved to Logan because of him. I got hired at Youthtrack because of him. I convinced another friend to move to Logan and work with us. He and I moved in with a third friend who introduced me to The Woman I Would Marry.

In addition to Catherine and Patrick, there are several others who I never would have known otherwise. Matticus, Raisor, Mason, Leslita, SSG Hotlips, Shay, and Top Rod. These people have been a great source of happiness and comfort to me. They all get extra special thank you's.

EDIT: Upon completion of this blog, I read thePatrick's. Wow...freaky.

That is all.

PS: A note to the ROTC:
Please don't asplode things around me. Especially unannounced. I understand what you're doing and understand the purpose behind it; I even mildly appreciate it. However, the reason for my appreciation is the very same as the reason for my annoyance. Honoring people who have been around booms by making things go boom doesn't so much make sense to me. We don't like them.

Heart rates increase.
Hands tremble.
Legs give out.
Thoughts scramble, and yet immediately focus at the same time.

It's uncomfortable...

So much cool...

2008-11-09T00:30:00.000-08:00

Chontel brought me cream cheese at work last night. She told me to watch Eddie Izzard's standup. I laughed.

Then we randomly stumbled across this nugget of joy. Watch the WHOLE THING!!! At 2 minutes, you will officially lose your mind...

Today, I got this in my e-mail...thanks, Mom

Also, I played this game today. It's fun (f'realz)

On a not-so-rad note, don't go see The Haunting of Molly Hartley. It's beyond dumb.

That is all.

Called. It. !.

2008-11-08T00:31:00.000-08:00

Remember a few blogs back when I mentioned Licensed Breeding?

Well, apparently, the Dutch Parliament reads my blog.

Check it out.

Please let this pass.

And spread. Like melted butter.

That is all.

It had to happen eventually...

2008-11-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

Last night, the inevitable finally happened. I got RickRoll'd.

What is RickRolling, you ask? It's when one falsely posts a video labeled as something you actually want to watch, but then you're subjected to this.

I don't even remember what I was wanting to watch. But I laughed when it happened. I Wiki'd it and found out that this has been going around for over a year.

People have too much time on their hands.

Myself included. Yes, way, way too much time.

I think Catherine is planning an intervention.

Insanity: An all too familiar feeling...

2008-11-01T20:57:00.000-07:00

So I know I just put the live video for this song up a couple weeks ago, but I need to kill some time and this song clocks in at nearly 8 minutes...so typing out the lyrics will help me postpone going to bed a little. But I'm not going to do it like I normally do. No line breaks... No punctuation...

---

Insanity

I'm so sorry please forgive me who do I pray to to straighten out this problem straighten out this problem straighten out my mind straighten out this crooked tongue this crooked tongue this crooked tongue my mind has wandered from the straight and narrow my mind has wandered from the flock you see my mind has wandered the man just said so my mind has wandered I heard it on TV and the flock has wandered away from me now all around the world now like a big bright cherry cloud traveling from home to home TV sets and telephones here it comes just like a storm bathe in it and be reborn time to let the world know welcome madness say hello say hello say hello like a wave we cannot see washing over you and me hiding here and hiding there madness hiding everywhere such a curiosity here it comes to set us free plenty left for you and me say hello insanity I am the virus are you the cure I am morally I'm morally impure I am a disease and I am unclean I am not part of God's well oiled machine Christian nation assimilate me take me in your arms and set me free I am part of a degenerate elite dragging our society into the street yeah into the abyss into the sewer don't you see the man just told me he told me on TV do you think you're better than me do you want to kill me or befriend me the alcoholic bastard waved his finger at me and his voice was filled with Evengelical glee now sipping down his gin and tonics while preaching about the evils of narcotics and the evils of sex and the wages of sin while he mentally fondles his next of kin cause my mind has wandered from the flock you see and the flock has wandered away from me and he waved his hypnotizing finger at me let's imitate reality insanity let's strive for mediocrity insanity let's make believe we're all the same now that's for me let's sanitize our little brains insanity I'd love to take you home with me and tuck you in to bed I'd love to see what makes you tick inside your pretty head I'd love to hear you laugh tonight I'd love to hear you weep I'd love to listen to you while you're screaming in your sleep Christian sons Christian daughters lead me along like a lamb to the slaughter purify my brain hose down my soul white perfection perfection is my goal do you think you're better than me do you want to kill me or befriend me Christian nation make us alright put us through the filter and make us pure and white cause my mind has wandered from the flock you see and the flock has wandered away from me and let's talk of family values while we sit and watch the slaugher hypothetical abortions on imaginary daughters the white folks think they're at the top ask any proud white male a million years of evolution we get Danny Quayle all around the world now like a big bright cherry cloud traveling from home to home TV sets and telephones here it comes just like a storm bathe in it and be reborn time to let the world know welcome madness say hello let's imitate reality insanity let's strive for mediocrity insanity let's make believe we're all the same now that's for me let's sanitize our little brains insanity I'd love to take you home with me I'd love to tuck you in I wish I could protect you from the wages of our sin I'd love to hear you scream tonight I'd love to hear you cry protect you from the madness that is raining from the sky let's imitate reality insanity let's strive for mediocrity insanity let's make believe we're all the same now that's for me let's sanitize our little brains insanity I'd love to take you home with me and tuck you in to bed I'd love to see what makes you tick inside your pretty head I wish that I could keep you in a precious Chinese box on Sundays I would pray for you so it would never stop I'd love to hear you laugh tonight I'd love to hear you weep I'd love to listen to you while you're screaming in your sleep I'd love to soothe you with my voice and take your hand in mine I'd love to take you past the stars and out of reach of time I'd love to see inside your mind and tear it all apart to cut you open with a knife and find your sacred heart I'd love to take your satin dolls and tear them all to shreds I'd love to mess your pretty hair I'd love to see you dead dead dead.

---

by Oingo Boingo

I loves me some Danny Elfman.

That is all.

F'realz...

2008-10-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

Oh, where to begin...

Ok, so my talk on Sunday went well. I still have people coming up to me (they don't know me...just recognize me from conference) telling me I did a good job.

I still don't like public speaking.

Christy took awesome pictures of Catherine and me. If you haven't already, check some of them out here. They're purdy.

We got the pictures printed on Sunday, but the resolution got screwed up when I edited them. Goodbye, $30... I really should have tried one out, rather than going ahead with all 185 of them. D'oh! But we e-mailed the originals to Catherine's dad and he's got it all sorted out. So we're printing them tomorrow...er, today...whatever day it is now...

School is a drag. But German is still easy-peasy. And Curling is rad-tastic.

I've got drill this weekend, and Catherine is going to her parents'/Salt Lake area on Friday for numerous reasons (pick up dress, bridal photos, another bridal shower, talk with cake lady...). Worst Halloween ever. Hopefully some kids trick-or-treat my house, or I'll feel like the world failed me.

And I'm working half a grave right now. So far, this has been the slowest hour-and-a-half of my life...need caffeine...and sugar...

That is all.

The ease of sleep...

2008-10-25T00:30:00.000-07:00

*I don't sleep at work...but I easily could...

I found this today and it made me laugh. I have problems staying awake in my Social Systems class. Today for example. Then I came 'home' (to Catherine's) and hung out for a little with her before going to sleep around 4-ish. She came in to say 'bye' before she left (final dress fitting and bridal shower tomorrow) about 7:30. After that, I couldn't get to sleep til after 10.

Now here I sit at work, ready to sleep at the drop of a hat. But there are no hats, so I suppose there will be no sleep.

But on the plus side, Catherine will come home tomorrow with bunches of new presents! YAY!

And Christy (good-type) is taking our engagement pictures for us :) That's happy making.

And I still have to write my talk...so I should probably go do that...

That is all.

The Pumpkin King

2008-10-22T15:49:00.001-07:00

Hey, kids. I don't have time to chit-chat, but here are my RAD-tastic jack-o-lanterns this year!

That is all.

Totally saw this coming...but not quite

2008-10-20T03:03:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I'm in a singles ward. And I have four Sundays left 'til I'm no longer a single. For the last few weeks, I've had the feeling that before I leave, I'll be asked to speak in church. Guess who was right? Give you a hint: his name rhymes with 'Borte'. However, with one minor detail changed. See, I'm not going to be speaking in sacrament meeting. Oh, no. I'm speaking next week at Stake Conference.

I hate public speaking. I do not like it, Sam-I-Am.

I've often wondered what the worst situation for public speaking would be. In front of people you know and see all the time? Or in front of complete strangers? Normally, I might opt for the latter, seeing as how you probably won't see them again. But wait...this is for church. So I'm going to see all these people again. And I 'know' probably about 5 of them. So I've picked a third super-scary category: Strangers who you see all the time.

Yikes for me.

I wasn't even given a topic. Well ok, I was. But not outright. I was given a scripture reference and told to go from there. I'M NOT PERCEPTIVE TO THIS SORT OF THING!!!

Really, I'm not.

I have to fill 7 minutes. Remember how I can't talk for more than a minute or so straight before my throat starts hurting? Awesome. And I'll have just gotten off a grave shift two hours prior. Rad.

Ok, so I'm really not angry or upset at this. I'm just good at ranting. Stick with what you know, right? I think I might actually be a little bit excited for this.

That is all.

I Drank Grape Soda For The First Time In A Long Time Tonight...

2008-10-19T02:21:00.000-07:00

The other day, thePatrick told me, "You're so cryptic on your blogs."

It's true.

Sure, I don't mean to be. But at the same time, it's certainly no accident.

I'm just one of those people who somethetimes has to express. But I don't like talking. I like conversation, but I don't like talking. The actual act of doing so. Seriously, I had to read to some kids once and after a page-and-a-half my throat was sore. Too much word making causes me physical pain.

Wimpy? Possibly.

But I digress. Back to the crypticallity issue.

Everyone has crap they deal with. Many are suited to let it be and deal with it. Not so much me. I have to get whatever is bothering me out. However, I'm not always trusting enough to put everything out for everyone to read. Maybe I need to just get over it. Put everything on the table. But sometimes The Table seems too small. Then again, I'm small, but still house all this stuff somehow.

Thinking of what comes next, it hits me that I don't LIKE these kinds of posts, but they just fall out. I much prefer telling people about online gems I've found (suspicious vans...psycho teddy), ranting about that guy (this one's coming...I just want it to be perfect), and regaling roughly a dozen.5 readers about my awesome week. But in order to do that, I must first have an awesome week.

Not that anything has been particularly bad. I think anything bad or annoying can be chalked up to pre-wedding stress. But I don't want to use that as a safe, comfy bed either. Because if I think Oh, we'll get married and then everything will just be unicorns and bunnies! then I'm in for a shock. Don't get me wrong. I'm excited as all get-out to get married. I still get all twittery when I think about it and am looking forward to it (34 days, by the way). I'm just a realist and know that despite married life being great, LIFE still happens. Bills exist. Insurance is a bugger. And fights will occur.

Especially if I keep working the way I do.

I've come to the conclusion that grave shifts are great for single individuals with a mild, flexible social life. IE: Me, when I ORIGINALLY wanted the grave shift, a year-and-a-half ago. I took the grave shift a couple months ago because I hated being a supervisor and I wasn't in any kind of mood to stay on swing shift at all. Starting school made day shift a no-go. So I took the available shift that I had wanted so badly for so long. However, it no longer suits my lifestyle. With the exception of the occasional errand that comes by, I've found that my day basically has room for three things. When I was single (and during the summer, when Catherine was living at her parents' house) these things were Work, Sleep, and playing/visiting family/slacking off. Now that Catherine is a part of my life, I have to find room to fit her in. No problem. She fits nicely in the third time slot. Uh-oh...I also go to school now. I have four things in a three-slot day. Work and school are pretty much mandatory. So what gets cut? Certainly not the love of my life. So my sleep suffers greatly. Now because my sleep suffers greatly, my mood shifts to that of the 'Get-off-my-lawn' guy. This displeases Catherine greatly.

Now, I've almost gotten my sleep schedule worked out to where I've successfully turned my day into a four-slot day. It's been difficult, especially since every day is different...

The one part that's hardest is that Catherine and I have to sleep at different times. While currently, it's kind of a bummer, once we're married it will become absolutely unacceptable. I don't want to spend FOUR NIGHTS A WEEK at work. That time could be better spent...uh...writing thank you notes...for the gifts...yeah. That's something newlyweds do that's conversationally appropriate, right?

(My train of thought keeps jumping the tracks...sorry)

I get moody. Catherine gets annoyed. Then quality time isn't so much that. Eventually it gets bad enough that I just go to bed. Then I wake up all apologetic that I was acting like a mean old man. She's spent a couple hours cross-stitching and watching an old movie, so she's happier too. Unfortunately, it's time for me to go to work at this point. GAAH!

In closing, if I'm being cryptic, just ask. Chances are I'm ok telling you. And if I'm not, I'll just answer you in an ambiguous manner which will leave you smiling and satisfied. TWSS.

That is all.

A Period of ReDiscovery.

2008-10-17T01:29:00.000-07:00

It seems recently that I've been remembering things I once loved. Like the post before this one, with the Get Set Go demos...like Mountain Dew Code Red...and most recently, Swedish mullets and nasty-staches. Proceed.

A couple years ago, I became aware of this guy. Ladies, meet Günther.

Günther quickly became my favorite Swedish pop star. (Ok, so that was easy seeing as how pop and I have never exactly been on speaking terms...) Then, just as quickly, he faded from my memory and I moved on.

Earlier this week, I was looking around Youtube for something to entertain me on a grave shift when I suddenly remembered: Günther and the Sunshine Girls! And treated myself to this...

WARNING: DUDE-ITY FOLLOWS

Yep. Other hits include Teeney Weeney Sting Bikini and Tutti Frutti Summer Love. And for my friends with a myspace, watch your comments as the Christmas season approaches. I'll see that you all get some Günther Güdness...

And I'll leave you with this... (50 points if you actually watch BOTH videos all the way through!)

Psst...more dude-ity in this one too...sorry

That is all.

Happy

2008-10-12T05:53:00.000-07:00

I recently remembered that I have a bunch of Get Set Go demos that were sent to me in exchange for a donation to their tour fund this past summer. I've been spending my shift re-familiarizing myself with them and felt like sharing. This one makes me happy. I think it's called 'Happy'

*normally I don't edit for content, but I feel like it tonight for some reason...*

---

Gumdrops and lollipops
And chocolate covered candy canes
Rainbows and cheerios
And tootsie rolls fall like rain
I'm so hap-hap-happy
I'm so f***ing happy, hey
I'm so G**d*** happy
Now won't you go away

I'm so f***ing happy
That I'll puke away the day
I'm so very happy
That I think I'm going gay

La la la la la la
Are you happy too
La la la la la la
What is wrong with you
La la la la la la
It's another happy day
La la la la la la
Won't you come out and play
Hey, let's scare those blues away

Puppy dogs and singing frogs
And unicorns riding bikes
Sunday funnies and fluffy bunnies
And everything else I like
I'm so hap-hap-happy
I'm so happy don't you know
I'm so G**d*** happy
Now won't you f***ing go

I'm so f***ing happy
That I'll punch you in the nose
Electrocute your genitals
Until your eyeballs glow

La la la la la la
Are you happy too
La la la la la la
What is wrong with you
La la la la la la
It's another happy day
La la la la la la
Won't you come out and play
Hey, let's scare those blues away

Baby are you blue (this repeats like 11 times)

I'm so hap-hap-happy
I'm so happy I could cry
I'm so f***ing happy
I'm so happy all the time

I'm so gosh-darn happy
But I'm not gonna lie
I'm so very happy
I'm so happy I could die

---

He's happy. So am I. Probably not as sarcastically though. Well, maybe a little...but only because I'm tired.

That is all.

Make the happy come back...

2008-10-10T03:32:00.000-07:00

I got really stressed today. Then I tried to take a nap. That didn't work. Then an attempt to talk it out was made. Then I became physically ill and cried a bit. Now I'm at work.

Great day.

One of those where saying very bad things would make me feel better.

The ways of the world suck. Things that HAVE to be taken care of, even though I really don't care. People who decide to slack on their jobs and make me have to deal with the subsequent stress-induced breakdown need to be kicked in the ovaries. True story.

I'm not a violent person at all. but boy, would it be fun.

That is all.

Army = Angry-Making...

2008-10-06T00:30:00.000-07:00

I don't like the army. Let me rephrase that... I don't mind the army itself. I DETEST being a part of it. There are reasons. I've run out of numbers. So here are reasons F, II-27, and Walrus.v.2ox6 why I feel this way.

F: SRP (Soldier Readiness Program [or some crap like that])

This can pretty much be summed up in one phrase: Hurry up and wait. I don't like standing in line. I enjoy being herded and rushed to get in a 2-hour line even less. This weekend we had to go through a bunch of checks to make sure we were ready 'just in case' we get deployed. 180-something soldiers...1 doctor. Efficiency.

II-27: APFT (Army Physical Fitness Test)

I'm 23. This means that in order to pass this test, I must complete 40 push-ups, 50 sit-ups, and a 16:36 or faster 2-mile run. Push-ups and sit-ups, no problem. On Friday I got 55 and 70, respectively. I ran my 2-mile in 16:50. That's 14 seconds over for those of you who like math as much as me. I failed. The whole test is worth 300 points. The minimum score to pass is 180, with at least 60 points in each event. I scored 221. Yet, I failed. my run was a 57. At this point I had two options: Take it again next month (um...running in November...NO!), or take it the next day. I decided it would look better for me to at least try taking it the next day. So Saturday morning I knocked out my minimum 40 and 50. I managed to pass my run with a 16:34. Yep, I made it by 2 measly seconds. (Here's the fun part) I have shoulder issues. Too complicated to go in to detail, but it sufficeth me to say my left shoulder sucks. As I came up on my 34th push-up, I heard/felt something in my shoulder go awry. It's been hurting worse than ever for the last 2 days. I can't reach over my head. I can't lie down on either side for very long. It hurts to breathe.

Walrus.v.2ox6: NLUGTFHBAIMITWSADN (Not letting us go the freak home because apparently it's more important that we sit around doing nothing)

This basically comes down to PPP: Piss-Poor Planning. Now, at drill we have to train on common soldier tasks. They're redundant and boring, but they're something to do. This weekend someone apparently decided that all the sergeants needed training on some stuff. That left all of us low-ranking fellas to sit around. On our thumbs if we got too bored. Personally, I don't know what could have been done to make everything run smoother. That's not my job. I do, however, know that everything could have been much easier. Especially the part about us not being able to go home til the Blackfoot guys (who were in Preston with us...yeah makes sense) got back to their armory. Ok. Their bus was supposed to pick them up at noon. Someone with too much brass decided it was a good idea for them to only use one buss for the whole battalion. All the units had to share ONE bus to get them home. So they finally left a little after 1. Now, with all our training completed, and the whole armory cleaned, we had to wait another hour-and-a-half for them to get home before we could leave. WTF?!?

I'm annoyed. My shoulder hurts. And I'm supposed to decide whether I want to re-enlist...HA!

That is all.

Slow, agonizing, lonely death

2008-09-29T19:39:00.000-07:00

Ok, so that title may be misleadingly depressing. Let it be known that psychologically, there is nothing currently wrong with me.

Now to my point. I'm supposed to be curling right now. But I'm dying. I should probably be sleeping, but it doesn't work out so well when I have to get up every fifteen minutes.

And to compound it, I don't have anyone to coddle me at the moment. Catherine had to make a trip home to take care of some things. And she's taking for freaking ever. *sigh* Oh well.

Being sick sucks. Being sick and unable to curl REALLY sucks.

Also, as I type this, CSI: Miami just came on. David Caruso is distracting...everything he says is so effing dramatic. And he looks like a ferret.

That is all.

Should I feel better or worse?

2008-09-26T03:17:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I witness behaviors that really make me feel better about myself. Like our president.

see more pwn and owned pictures

And this guy.

see more pwn and owned pictures

See, I look at them and feel smart. I don't read children's books upside-down and I don't own a spiderman banana-hammock. However, there are certain limits as to when stupid people make me feel better. Case in point:

While some stupidity is refreshing, other stupidity (like this woman) makes me weep for the future. I marvel at the state of humanity and can't help but think that Darwin = FAIL. These people, along with the clients I work with, are why I will advocate licensed breeding when it becomes an issue in the near future. Don't think it won't. Sure it sounds like a bad sci-fi movie, but think about it. The gov't is already controlling (or trying to control) several aspects of our lives (in some cases I feel this is warranted; others, well...just let us be). It's only a matter of time until they start trying to control who should be allowed to reproduce. And I will vote YES on that. There should be a test. There needs to be a gen-ed portion, a verbal Q&A portion, and a PARENTING SKILLS portion. All parents-to-be should have to have previous experience with at least 5 babies not belonging to them prior to becoming licensed. Like, a lot. This will help reduce the amount of "surprise" and subsequent stress on the parents as they will actually realize that ANYTHING can happen.

Now, I an fully confident that all the people with whom I associate will be/are wonderful parents. Many of my friends are having babies and this is not a rant at them. This is a rant at those who allow their children to smoke pot in the basement; those who don't equip their children with necessary decision-making skills; those who just don't give a damn.

I've seen it where I work and I've heard about it where Catherine works. And frankly, it pisses me off.

When I started this, I really didn't expect to get so angry by the end...seriously, I just realized I was clenching my jaw while typing. It hurts now. Anyway, that's not the direction I meant to go in I meant to end with this...

...but then I realize that in my own little world, I'm ok
(if you can't see the whole picture, right click, view image)

nataliedee.com

That is all.

Gratuitous Boingo (hey, that sounds dirty, fella...)

2008-09-20T01:07:00.000-07:00

This whole past week has been wonky. You know how Vh1 has that show "Best Week Ever"? Well, my week was kind of like that, but opposite. Well, maybe not quite. I don't think I'd classify it as the worst week ever...

I won't recap. All the blogs are still right below this one. But I'll skip to today's (Friday...yeah, I know it's not anymore but it still is to me) events.

I got off work and hung around a bit to try and talk to James. When he still wasn't there at a quarter after 8 I said screw it and went home. Or rather, Catherine's house... I cuddled up next to her for a couple hours before she had to go to her internship. I set an alarm to make sure I'd wake up to my 12:30 class. I woke up later at almost 2 and couldn't find my phone (aka, alarm). Great. So I missed the class I'm struggling most in. Oh well. I found my phone almost 2 hours later on the other side of the room, in the closet (?) turned off... Confusion ensued. As of yet, I still can't remember how the eff it got there.

Then Catherine and I went to Salt Lake so she could see her dress lady and make sure that was all on track. I visited with my little sisters while she was doing that and talked over last night's events with them. I was glad to find out I'm not the only one being bothered. I mean, the nature of the issue would naturally bother them too, but we were all so young at the time (Sica was only 4) that I wasn't sure if they remembered anything bothersome. Turns out Sica had a bad dream about it that same night and took great comfort in my destroying of the radio. (By the way: If any of this is going over your head, that's ok. Just childhood trauma being worked out...) Liz told me she has bad dreams sometimes too. I rarely dream, and never about that. But I do have one horrible memory that ceaselessly haunts me. Anyway, the point of this part was that I know my sisters are in the same boat as me and that makes me feel better.

When Catherine and I got back to her place we cuddled a bit. She could tell I was a bit upset so she helped make me feel a little better. (Don't worry...we behaved). Then we talked a little more Then I came to work.

Now I'm here. And typing this.

Here's a video for your enjoyment.

One of the best songs ever...

That is all.

Ok...just because I just listened to it...

2008-09-19T04:25:00.000-07:00

"Brand New Day"
From: Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog

---

This appeared as a moral dilemma
Cause at first it was weird though I swore to eliminate
The worst of the plague that devoured humanity
It's true I was vague on the how
So how can it be that you
Have shown me the light?

It's a brand new day
And the sun is high
All the birds are singing
That you're gonna die
How I hesitated
Now I wonder why
It's a brand new day

All the times that you beat me unconscious
I forgive, all the crimes incomplete, listen honestly
I'll live Mr. Cool, Mr. Right, Mr. Know-it-all is through
Now the future's so bright and I owe it all to you
Who showed me the light

It's a brand new me
I've got no remorse
Now the water's rising
But I know the course
I'm gonna shock the world
Gonna show Bad Horse
It's a brand new day

And Penny will see the evil me
Not a joke, not a dork, not a failure
And she may cry but her tears will dry
When I hand her the keys to a shiny new Australia

It's a brand new day
Yeah the sun is high
All the angels sing
Because you're gonna die
Go ahead and laugh
Yeah, I'm a funny guy
Tell everyone goodbye
It's a brand new day...

...and the work week begins again...

2008-09-19T01:32:00.000-07:00

(this is my periodic rant issue...)

For those that don't know (and I'm sure you all do...I work with most, if not all, of you who read this), I work Friday-Monday morning grave shifts, midnight to 8. I go to school Monday through Friday. I don't have a day off...ever.

Some weekends I have drill. Those times, I want to punt puppies. I really don't like drill. Everything involves so much ephing paperwork. It's ridiculous.

So whenever I have a little time to relax, I do so. And in doing so, don't get anything done. And when it's time to be done relaxing, I'm still tired.

I don't like school. Specifically, two of my classes. They're over my head and I just don't want to go to them. The rest (curling, german, and creative arts) are ok. I'm still liking them just fine.

I had a crappy night tonight. Exorcised some personal demons, I think. Got issues from 14 years ago off my chest. As much as I hated talking about it, and the lead-up to talking about it, I feel a lot better now. Catherine is wonderful to me.

I'm too tired right now to keep going. Maybe tomorrow's will be cheerier. Probably.

That is all.

Quality vs Quantity.

2008-09-15T00:12:00.000-07:00

I often speculate as to the quality of my bloggings. There are some good ones out there. AoS, that's your shout out. However, they aren't really updated all that often. Which leads me to wonder: Are some just more selective about what gets blogg'd? Or is just because of time constraint?

Honestly, I can't really picture someone (particularly the people who I run in circles with) sitting at home, scribbling on sticky-notes saying, "Oh, yeah...that's a good one. I'll have to put that up." or "No, that's stupid...guess there's no blog tonight..."

I figure it's the time constraint one. I mean, I put these up here all the time. But that's because I have all the time. Grave shifts will do that to you. 5.75 to 7.5 hours, 4 nights a week? Yeah, I have to type just to keep my sanity at a manageable level. I mean, web-comics only take so long to check, and I don't like news. Aside from those, I've got myspace and facebook, but again, those take only so long to check up on.

I could read. In fact, I've tried it. I enjoy reading enough, but to do it when I would rather be sleeping is not conducive to remembering it the next day. Just the other night, I had to read the same 8-line paragraph 5 times before I could get through it without nodding off for a second and losing my place. (Thank you Patrick/Mason for not doing a grave check that night).

Ok. This banter bores me. Next.

Bobo made some of these. WWNPHD? wristband thingies. I like them. Neil Patrick Harris is rad. Unfortunately, I've never seen an episode of Doogie Howser M.D. Someday I will.

---

So yeah. The problem with having so much time to post these things is that eventually one just runs out of things to say. I mean, it's not like anything I've done so far has been terribly relevant, but at least I could make sense of it.

Since I think I'm done for the night, here's Allred playing With Or Without You. It's way better than U2.

That is all.

Thus sayeth the Me...

A New MOS, Missing Wifey, and I'm BAAAACK!

Something to which I can look forward...

Eureka!

Stump'd...

Something about memories and the future or something...

Merry Christmas to All...

Let the Baby Seal Punting Commence!

As I was...

...and the choice has been made

I fail at this...

I will find you... I will submit you...

Let's play catch-up, shall we?

Monday Mix-Up #10!!!

Monday Mix-Up #9

A look into the future

Frosting cancels out calories...

Ladies and Gentlemen: TheChive...

Happy as a Fanboy...

Ach, du lieber!

Not today...

Monday Mix-Up #8

Monday Mix-Up #7

Monday Mix-Up #6

Scam'd...

Monday Mix-Up #5

Monday Mix-Up #4

Cease and Desist

Monday Mix-Up #3

Holy Magical Goodness!!!

Oh, pretty pretty please?!?

Monday Mix-Up #2

This is a test.

Monday Mix-Up #1

Copyright infringment? Perhaps an homage.

Letters...

Light Up Ya Lighter

Very deadly.

Our rad-tastic trip

Letter From Iraq

*Sigh*

Why aren't you terrified?!?

1:13

Our New Addition

April Foozizzle's!

Mini-Me

Where The Wild Things Are

I win.

Revamped.

Ready to hate me?

That's what I said.

I don't get it...

I never really wanted to, but...

Bombs are cool.

Cue up them Beach Boys!!!

PSA

Social Distortion

hello?

Thoughts...

Because I'm bored and you can't do anything about it...

Yet another blog stolen from thePatrick.

Seriously the worst band ever...

A story. And a list.

Hang Myself From The Tree

Here I Am Lord / C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S

The OC

My First Christmas As A Woman

I Don't Believe In Santa Claus

Oh, happy days!!!

Christmas Time For My (you know what)

Oi To The World

Thanx For Nothing

Nothing's Going To Ruin My Holiday

Grandpa's Last X-mas

Um...a sidenote on the Oi

A Gun For Christmas

Oh, and!!!

My finger's a few ounces heavier...

Myne Very Owne Lyric Quyze

Peasant's Quest...

Sigh